time for updatess..

1stly, went to celebrate eve of xmas wit my usual group of gang at settlers in hollandv.. after that me n dear went to beach rd to help gw buy army stuffs.. went back to his hse to ve dinner.. n stay until 10 then went home..

2ndly, met dear at ps to watch curse of golden flower.. then walked around to find our prez lol.. yay i got my esprit jacket! guess it can be cancelled from my wishlist.. went back his hse to ve dinner and then went home whilst he booked in..

next..

i saw a girl crying on the train during xmas eve when i was going home.. it may be bcos that her r/s failed.. well, at any pt.. she may not get used to getting home alone in the first few weeks.. i felt for her then..

i think i take things for granted too much.. i cause misery on myself and for ppl around me..

i din reflect after xmas eve.. i continue to expect more.. but only tot that bcos its a special occasion..

on eve, my toe had blistered n my heart hurt..

on xmas, my back ache n my heart hurt..

shuang chong da ji..

now i wonder.. if anything else hurt when my heart bleeds?

is it wrong wanting romance? whens the last time ur bf do something mushy for u?

i asked myself that alot of times.. isnt that what a girl wants? i think i ve troubling getting this out of me properly.. pls help me..

i dun want to expect more.. i dun want to think abt any more romance.. just get it simple.. but thats what my heart yearns for.. am i wrong in wanting this out of a relationship?


yeah, i compare too much.. thats bcos i saw the visible romance that my frens ve.. things like, bf send tauhuay to her hse one fine morning.. or bf went to pick her up early in the morning.. or bf shower her gifts at the first stage of their r/s.. or that bf wrote small cards to her.. bring her to eat wherever they like.. bring her to really romantic places..

yes i noe its impossible that every guy do this.. but i only hope to only get them once in a while.. n of cos u call going to shopping and movies and eating together romantic, but its what couples do often rite? other than that..

what abt going to parks late at night where u just want to spend time with each other without getting home early? what abt staying up together to talk from night to dawn? what abt watching a good movie at home? what abt doing things that both of u like to do(e.g puzzle)? what abt having candlelights dinner(homecooked)? what abt doing household chores together?

i dun really care abt spending money.. all i want i romance from the guy i love.. i dun think all these require money.. i am not a spendthrift.. i save from the pocket money i get.. but i couldnt bcos thats all i get and i ve to spend it all for daily expenses.. and bcos i ve no more money.. thats y i cant spend my own.. and sometimes i spend some extra thing, it exceeds my pocket money.. but at least its only abit.. maybe next time i should just eat 2.50 for 1 month and stop spending unneccessary items..

omg, i realised i can only get things outta my chest by typing.. sry guys.. do not worry.. just needa help me.. haha.. i need to write down a list of what i should do n not do.. alright that shall be my new year resolution! i can do it!