can someone teach me how to be happy?

how to be satisfy when im stuck in my tiny world, with no one but me inside?

The ones around me, they are barred from coming into my life.

And i dont know and refuse to open up to them.

I dont know what i want.

I have a lot of anger/sadness, but they are so pent up inside me. sometimes i feel like suffocating, cos i dont know how to let them out.

Who will help me?

Even my boyfriend cant help me. I need love and guidance. He cant provide me those.

I am not being appreciated, no matter how much i do. and i crave for recognition inside me.

If this is a jap song/anime, this should be a really really sad song/scene.



There is no one, no one at all. nani mo. nani mo nai.

No friends, not even my family and boyfriend, bothers what im thinking or what i want.

I always compromise to their wishes, and dont know how to express my own. It would feel like selfishness. as what kevin always say.

what is with me? I hate myself sometimes, i e, all the time.

A shield is protecting me from harm. Yet at the same time, its preventing me from going out.



Its not about going out to shop or hang out.

Even when im outside, i refuse to talk openly to others. I conceal everything inside me.



Its about my life. My whole life, what i am going to do. How to achieve happiness. What is wrong with me?

Kevin says i cry alot, but thats the only way i can let out frustration and all the pent up sadness within me. Does he even know that?

I rarely do cry now. It doesnt help solve things.

Instead im still brooding over them.

i think i would die much faster this way.



What is love? how could you enjoy loving someebody else so much, even when u are doubtless about his feelings?

Do i really really like him? Am i really really capable of loving someone?

How do i really feel happy?

What am i? Who am i?

Suddenly i feel like correcting myself. For i am emotionless. I am empty inside.

A day come and another pass. I just live them as it is.

With an empty shell.



These feelings are not only realised during my PMS.

its even when im conscious of myself.

Who am i? Why do i behave like this? Am i not human?