I always have pessimistic feelings and emotions when PMS comes. Mood swings thrust forward. And my inability to control them. I feel pain, yet unable to cry.

I wish i could lead a new life. I wish I have passion and interest for certain things. Den i would have dreams and goals.

I have nothing to crave for. Everything is dead to me. Maybe only "illustionized" by watching dramas and variety shows help cheer me up.

I always wonder, how does it feel to be alive? to be totally mesmerised by something / someone? to have passion in something / someone? to be happy?