2 years later, my brother will have a successful career, a life he wanted and would carry on this life in a direction, while i am a fickle-minded girl who doesn't know wad she wants. I cannot see my future and 2 years later, i will be the same person as i am now, not sure where my direction is.
Who am i? What do i want? Who do i want to be?
So many questions that i asked myself since i was in poly. And for so many years, i never bother returning the answers to my own questions. That was b'cos i had a straight line while i was in school, not bothering about the future at all. Now that school lives are over, i begin to worry. What am i good for? Am i good in anything at all?
One of my colleagues says that i am a fickle-minded person in a humorous conversation, which i took her words seriously only now.
Hai.. sorry no conclusion.. just alot on my mind. Hmm..
Saturday, April 09, 2011
Anita said:
''Janice dear, go back to the part where you said 'no way' and change it to 'yes way' as now your future will change for the better. More opportunities will come your way, you just have to recognize the chances you get offered and not say 'I can't' or 'I don't know how'.''
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Hmm.. interesting prediction..
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Hmm.. interesting prediction..
Friday, April 08, 2011
Thursday, April 07, 2011
Aiya, normally when i read down syndrome (I'm not having this disease but similar) symptoms, i wonder if i'm really a retard, only mildly. To be honest, I have difficulty expressing my emotions and hence, communicate my thoughts to ppl. I am easily short-term. Plenty to do with my common sense as well. Sometimes, i really wonder where the hell is my common sense? Well, that is one symptom of my condition. Of cos, the others are my physical conditions.
Probably I develop autism since childhood, which is why i am depressed all the time, and always having negative emotions.
Something is definitely wrong with me. Outsiders can't see it, they just think that I'm a wierd person. Not even my family members. They don't even bother to check up the disease that i have. zZzz.. And I can feel it. I can feel people's eyes. It is not paranoid la.. dui.. I have been dealing with this everyday since i was young okay! And i try to be normal in every way. But of cos i know it's not enough. It's really hard.
It's like having a down syndrome, at least ppl knows that you are born this way bcos it's visible unless it's mild.
Yea I'm also having mild symptoms also, which is why i am seen as a 'fit' person. In fact, i am not. There's a lot of things i cannot do. i am not pampered! i just cannot do some basic tasks! Would ppl pls understand?! It's not like an overnight thing where i can improved my symptoms and be a normal girl once and for all! ='((( I desire to be a lovely girl.
i think i need social counselling. =.='' I am glad this blog is a place for me to shout.
*breathe in, breathe out*
Probably I develop autism since childhood, which is why i am depressed all the time, and always having negative emotions.
Something is definitely wrong with me. Outsiders can't see it, they just think that I'm a wierd person. Not even my family members. They don't even bother to check up the disease that i have. zZzz.. And I can feel it. I can feel people's eyes. It is not paranoid la.. dui.. I have been dealing with this everyday since i was young okay! And i try to be normal in every way. But of cos i know it's not enough. It's really hard.
It's like having a down syndrome, at least ppl knows that you are born this way bcos it's visible unless it's mild.
Yea I'm also having mild symptoms also, which is why i am seen as a 'fit' person. In fact, i am not. There's a lot of things i cannot do. i am not pampered! i just cannot do some basic tasks! Would ppl pls understand?! It's not like an overnight thing where i can improved my symptoms and be a normal girl once and for all! ='((( I desire to be a lovely girl.
i think i need social counselling. =.='' I am glad this blog is a place for me to shout.
*breathe in, breathe out*
Wednesday, April 06, 2011
omg..! This morning, i kena chi-tofu by an uncle! He must deliberate one leh.. not once but 3 times!! Don't put your bag down on the floor if the train is darn packed! And den when you want to move and thus picking up your bag, you "accidentally" butt another person!! zzZzz... This uncle, "accidentally" butt me 2 times on the last pick up of his bag! =.=''''''''''' This must be the joy of that uncle, who goes to work everyday happily butting into women.. sai!
Pls, normally I blame the women who dresses skinky. Like a HR executive I know, claims that a man on the bus keep trying to fall onto her when the bus stops! Yea, thats only 'cos you wear like, nothing!! Sorry for the complains, but yea i don't like her.
And well, ppl, you know how i dress up for work. Always pants. haha! I'm the least attractive working girl i know. LOL! Refer to my last post if you want to know why.
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Good and nice ppl don't know how to say "no". And that's when they are bullied often also, and doing work for ppl they aren't supposed to. That is really really selfish of the person who bully you. What? Like you are the most busiest person in the world and no one else is?!
Yea, i am talking about myself. Not saying that i am good and nice, but i just don't like to argue much. Nvm, so long that job relates to mine.
Sigh~
I don't know how to change the current me, to protect myself. And not to be guillable. I like being a simple me. Which is why i don't like the high society. Which is somewhere beyond me.
Like I'm looking a patch of greener and peaceful grassland again.
Doesn't de words sound and feel beautiful? haha..
Pls, normally I blame the women who dresses skinky. Like a HR executive I know, claims that a man on the bus keep trying to fall onto her when the bus stops! Yea, thats only 'cos you wear like, nothing!! Sorry for the complains, but yea i don't like her.
And well, ppl, you know how i dress up for work. Always pants. haha! I'm the least attractive working girl i know. LOL! Refer to my last post if you want to know why.
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Good and nice ppl don't know how to say "no". And that's when they are bullied often also, and doing work for ppl they aren't supposed to. That is really really selfish of the person who bully you. What? Like you are the most busiest person in the world and no one else is?!
Yea, i am talking about myself. Not saying that i am good and nice, but i just don't like to argue much. Nvm, so long that job relates to mine.
Sigh~
I don't know how to change the current me, to protect myself. And not to be guillable. I like being a simple me. Which is why i don't like the high society. Which is somewhere beyond me.
Like I'm looking a patch of greener and peaceful grassland again.
Doesn't de words sound and feel beautiful? haha..
Tuesday, April 05, 2011
i know why i blog nearly everyday. Cos i just like to type something.. and I am bored!
I don't really need the money now, cos my parents are still working. So probably i could go for it while I'm still young. I was thinking hard yday about what would make me happy. I thought about volunteering at old folks home, again. Some times thinking about volunteering makes me feel like a hypocrite. Me? A probably most naive and selfish and helpless girl in the entire universe who wants to do volunteer? yea right, ha-ha.
That's the 'devil' me clouding my mind. The 'angel' me says yup! Although I'm helpless, i want to be near those who needs me and feels happy to see me everyday! The most peaceful job on earth, is to be away from the high working societies that sees challenges and profits everyday.
And i hate IT. It sucks to tell people that a girl like me is doing programming, and that to wear nice clothes to your office everyday is like overdoing it. No one sees you, you are stuck at the back-end! (Well, that AND everyone in my office is just damn casual) Yup, I'm the bitch that complains now. Yay for me.
And the irritating part is, i still got work to do. As in the office. Sucks big time. Suck thumb man. and hope to finish these work as soon as possible b4 tendering. Woah, don't think me as bad leh. I am still 'abit' responsible for my job 'kay?!
Back to that lifestyle again. =.=''
10 Signs It's Time To Quit Your Job
i score 6/10. That is how bad that i want to quit my job. Really feel stressed out everyday, never feel excited to go to work. Which is why i aim to find a job which i'm really passionate about! That step and i complete half my life goal. The only thing is my unknown passion. haha.I don't really need the money now, cos my parents are still working. So probably i could go for it while I'm still young. I was thinking hard yday about what would make me happy. I thought about volunteering at old folks home, again. Some times thinking about volunteering makes me feel like a hypocrite. Me? A probably most naive and selfish and helpless girl in the entire universe who wants to do volunteer? yea right, ha-ha.
That's the 'devil' me clouding my mind. The 'angel' me says yup! Although I'm helpless, i want to be near those who needs me and feels happy to see me everyday! The most peaceful job on earth, is to be away from the high working societies that sees challenges and profits everyday.
And i hate IT. It sucks to tell people that a girl like me is doing programming, and that to wear nice clothes to your office everyday is like overdoing it. No one sees you, you are stuck at the back-end! (Well, that AND everyone in my office is just damn casual) Yup, I'm the bitch that complains now. Yay for me.
And the irritating part is, i still got work to do. As in the office. Sucks big time. Suck thumb man. and hope to finish these work as soon as possible b4 tendering. Woah, don't think me as bad leh. I am still 'abit' responsible for my job 'kay?!
Back to that lifestyle again. =.=''
Sunday, April 03, 2011
Last Thurs, my colleagues and i went for the movie, Battle at LA, at cineleisure after work. Nice movie, was deeply moved by the story, so that goes to show how good it is. haha. It's not just the plot, its the acting.
Some times when i see a war movie, i wonder about the bonds between the soldiers. I know we, ladies, are never able to feel this kinda bond. One can only wonder. Of cos, the men / soldiers do know it! I mean, this bond is strange, it is more than a friend-to-friend love, cos a normal good friend wouldn't just risk his life for another friend! These soldiers have been through thick-and-thin together, so i wouldn't belittle their bonds for each other. And this bond is more than a BFF relationship. That's why it's baffling. =))
Anyways, it was a good show and we parted our ways after the movie.
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Sat finally came, and it was fun at MBS!
Yday, we had buffet teabreak at the sands skypark after check-in, den went to get lion king tickets / explore /shop for bath salt, haha!
After bathing, my mum, bro and i went to the theatre at 8pm. The musical / stage performance was great! Still tempting to watch the lion king movie haha. I believe most of you knows the story of lion king, so if you do know, its a great and touching movie. I was so moved by the performance that i nearly cry. (Thankfully it didnt roll down my eyes.)
I clapped so hard after the whole performance ended that my hands hurt. =D Normally I enjoy a great concert / performance and I know it, cos at the end, I would clap thousands times harder than when i did during the show. =)
Anyways, we went to eat supper and by the time we reached our room it was alrdy 12 plus.
Woke up at 8am in the morning. Went to watch my mum and bro dip into the pool (dip only hor, not swim). I didnt went in cos the length of the pool and the crowd defeats my purpose of being there to swim. =( If you don't know what i mean, see the pic that i posted in fb.
Okay, went to eat breakfast after that and den went back to the room. Honestly, if it wasn't for the lounge access, the benefits of the Club room, and the lion king, we would have nothing to do in MBS. haha! The night before, my mum and bro went to have evening mini buffet before the lion king musical, while i bathed, and had free flows of champagne~!
Checked-out at 12 and cabbed home. =)
Some times when i see a war movie, i wonder about the bonds between the soldiers. I know we, ladies, are never able to feel this kinda bond. One can only wonder. Of cos, the men / soldiers do know it! I mean, this bond is strange, it is more than a friend-to-friend love, cos a normal good friend wouldn't just risk his life for another friend! These soldiers have been through thick-and-thin together, so i wouldn't belittle their bonds for each other. And this bond is more than a BFF relationship. That's why it's baffling. =))
Anyways, it was a good show and we parted our ways after the movie.
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Sat finally came, and it was fun at MBS!
Yday, we had buffet teabreak at the sands skypark after check-in, den went to get lion king tickets / explore /shop for bath salt, haha!
After bathing, my mum, bro and i went to the theatre at 8pm. The musical / stage performance was great! Still tempting to watch the lion king movie haha. I believe most of you knows the story of lion king, so if you do know, its a great and touching movie. I was so moved by the performance that i nearly cry. (Thankfully it didnt roll down my eyes.)
I clapped so hard after the whole performance ended that my hands hurt. =D Normally I enjoy a great concert / performance and I know it, cos at the end, I would clap thousands times harder than when i did during the show. =)
Anyways, we went to eat supper and by the time we reached our room it was alrdy 12 plus.
Woke up at 8am in the morning. Went to watch my mum and bro dip into the pool (dip only hor, not swim). I didnt went in cos the length of the pool and the crowd defeats my purpose of being there to swim. =( If you don't know what i mean, see the pic that i posted in fb.
Okay, went to eat breakfast after that and den went back to the room. Honestly, if it wasn't for the lounge access, the benefits of the Club room, and the lion king, we would have nothing to do in MBS. haha! The night before, my mum and bro went to have evening mini buffet before the lion king musical, while i bathed, and had free flows of champagne~!
Checked-out at 12 and cabbed home. =)