Sigh.. Everytime it happens when im having PMS. Just so very moody. And worst. Just hope my symptom can be something else. But moodiness probably is de best symptoms any female could ve. haha.

i notice that some other females might ve gastric pain or headache, or lose weight when they are experiencing PMS. soo i dont think i wish for that symptoms. heh.

Some things he said worsen my mood. I seriously tried to listen. But my hormones just wouldn't listen. Just keep crying and crying, that's all. I wonder if we can control our PM symptoms?

Feeling so stressed that i'm having pimples at my forehead. Maybe its the hormones. I dont know. Maybe they add up together.

M period comes, and of cos my moodiness should fade gradually. Yday was probably de worst i ever had. Men just cannot understand women. Sigh.

The FB app i took..

101 Romantic Things To Do With Your Lover

• Sing to each other. (Not really to each other. Mostly i sing and he happens to be there. LOL~)
  
• Go to the park. (yes)
• Apologize for previous fight and have a romantic dinner together. (hmm.. nope)
• Put love notes in his/her pockets when he/she isn't looking. (i used to..)
• Go to the beach and see the sunrise. (once? with frens too..)
• Learn from each other and don't make the same mistake twice. (hmm.. nope)
• Party with his/her friends. (yup)
  
• Go for a long walk down the beach at midnight. (during chalet...)

Only a few cos i just play this app. haha.

My point of view

Every time i go to my window to close it, I wonder about jumping off / death. Would I be better off dead, or if the world is better off without me?

Then I rethink my sudden thought today. I write down quickly to remind myself and for those who find death comforting.

My answer would be, No, it wouldn't. Sure, it would put me out of misery. Sure, my family and friends would be devastated. But it wouldn't change anything. My life wouldn't be better. Their lives would not be better or for worse. It will not affect strangers who doesn't know you, or people who doesn't bother / care. It would probably change ur family or ur close friends, but not much. Life has to go on.

Why not stay alive, and continue to change ur lifestyle if u find it so demeaning? THAT will definitely make ur life better, or probably make people around you better. =) Make a wise choice, after all, we hold our own lives.

Anyway, i thought of this when i finally go for a checkup at polyclinic. I am anxious to solve my own physical problem. I don't want help or pity anymore. I wish to do something about myself. This visit to TTSH is impt to me. Countdown period. 1 month and 1 day. Sigh.

Right now, i can do nothing but go on about everyday life. Probably dwelling isn't my concern now. I have an option, that is to go to the hospital. Must have a positive mind. Even after going to TTSH and doc says there is nothing they can do about it, I must be positive.

This is also something I thought of when i finally thought of finding a job. Someday I have to work to support myself, if not for my family. So stop avoiding work / life and start doing something. Even if it means failure and learn. Learn and get over your failures.

I realise anything that i procrastinate / reluctant to do is mostly bcos of my illness. It seriously affect my way of life, probably my speech too. This is why i decide strongly to change it by visiting doctors and getting appointment at the neroscience dept. I am tired of telling my family and friends that I am born like that, without really knowing the answer myself. And finding excuses that I couldn't do anything about it. Well, that part is true now. So I am hoping that any kind of cure, if there is, would really change everything about me.

Just remember, your life is in your hand. =) Don't be distress. A life only approximately takes 80 years.

Part of my horoscope in relationship

i believe i ve quoted this before. But this is only for Kevin. LOL! for 4 years, he still didnt seem to know me well. =P

VIRGO WOMAN
"She only searches for true love, not just any love. Her love is an ideal one. She likes to think no one is neater and as effective as her, which can irritate you sometimes for there is no such thing. She likes sweet talk, but she can slip and say something unpredictable and unbearable to you too. When she stops getting mad, she will totally forget what she just said and be an angel again. If you have a date with her, you'd better be there on time.

Flowers and sweet word can calm her down. If you want to say sorry, make it brief and straight forward. Do not drag your apologetic words into a long making it up event, it could lead you to another world war. She likes her man to dress nice and clean. She is good in details especially with money. Do not make she thinks that she is a clown or funny. In the beginning of knowing her, please try not to glance at other pretty woman so much. Early period of dating her, try not to hold her so much in public, it would not be a proper thing to do. She loves books, stage play and music and likes to criticize about them too.

Criticism woman is her icon including big and small things in life starting from your hair, your dress , and the way you talk. If you are in love with her, be as almost perfect as your can."

Satisfying lunch n dinner today. Yummy.

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The Big Bang Theory - The 'soft kitty' song



Soft kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur.
Happy kitty, sleepy kitty,
Purr purr purr.

^.^

feeling damn tired..

afraid to sleep more.. fearing that i might wanna sleep even more. and den sleep de whole day away.

well den again, since i dont accomplish anything in a day, might as well sleep. haha.


sometimes i just hate to sleep, cos i dislike dreams. Sometimes they are so real that u will find urself disappointed when u wake up. Sometimes they are so scary u wake up in de middle of de night and soothe urself. Sometimes they gave u several discomfort dreams that u dont get when u wake up, so u wonder why u ve that dream.

Then again, i like anime. Cos normally I watch anime that are not real, that can be differentiate from reality. When i stop watching it, i come back to "my" world. Somehow i like what i can control, and dislike what i cant.

U only sleep when u need rest. I hope i can sleep without dreams. There is never once i ve dreamless night. Or probably i know that i ve a dream, but that i forgot what dream that was. Maybe i keep thinking before i turned in, so thats why i will not stop thinking even when im sleeping.

I used to want to find out what my dream meant. I heard that they mean different kind of perceptions or personalities in ur life. Now, i wave that thought away. Probably i noe that i will have a different kind of dream once i change my thinking towards life. I know that my whole life up till now, my dreams seem to be de same. Sounds like deja vu in dreams. That would only mean that i have the same thoughts in me since then.

Things that i can control and things that i cant. Frustrated..

my interest lifespan is short. i noe that myself, even though i have a few interests myself. For example, i can be interested in a book. but once i finished that book, i wouldnt read another one, unless de content fascinates me.

RPG and anime are ones that would sustain my interest for as long as possible. Kevin says that i watch anime longer than he plays his game in a day. haha. Or i can play RPG from morning to night. wahaha~ Nerd~!

Contrastingly, that time when i wanna learn jap, i didnt continue to stage 2. Nor took de JLPT exam. After all, its for an interest. I dont ve to ve de cert. My teacher was kinda disappointed haha. Not being to brag but cos i learned abit better than other students.

Anyway, that interest that sparked me in the beginning began to fade, and i regress to my fav and only games and anime lol.

Okay, kevin and i bought these few fact books from borders cos its interesting and of its knowledge. haha. and since it was going at 3 books for 2 books price, we bought 6. =D Those books are very, mind intriguing, mostly philosophy and logic books, which is why it can be hard to digest when u read it. Still its definitely fun for me to learn those "facts". =P Im still reading it. haha.

If i want to work, i definitely want to work in a place where it can hold my interests for long haha. How can u work as a philosopher? i cant write. hehe.

i'll stop here cos my thoughts run until here for now. haha. cya!

think.. think..! Think about my future..

Its so hard to find what i want to do in the future. I cant foresee myself doing anything. Adding on to my frustration is me without enough confidence to do anything.

My results are out, and accordingly enough to my expectations, its a 3rd class honor. What can i do with this cert~! Certainly there are people who has skills above me, that's what my interviewer told me. ='( (And of cos i realised that without him saying)

Its too late to wish I had thought about my future when i was schooling. Cos when ure in school, u would never bother with your own future. Nothing but continue to study and play.

Its me with my lack of confidence, again. Should I ever think about being an admin assistant or other lower-paying jobs again, my lack of confidence has reached its peak!

Speaking of that, I ve had alot of negative emotions lately. Its not bcos of PMS. Its just cos i know myself. Shoots.. what can i do?! what can i do?!

Please dont say stick to IT. Bcos even i know that's hard. I'm sure all my classmates or course mates know this. And it doesnt matter without any inspiration in me~! With only a tiny satisfaction if others can appreciate my work can bring me no further.

If things are so simple and dull, why do we live? Do we live for the purpose of living? Or do we have a goal that we must accomplish as we are living? Why are most people always eager to go home after work? Is it bcos their work has no meaning to their lives?

I read this abstract from a website, for this philosopher encourage ppl not to work. He encourages ppl to enjoy and live, and not working to work. But i dont agree with one statement: Make people hate you! (why would you want to make so many enemies with yourselves to make your life difficult? is it for challenge? sigh~) Anyway, I forgot where i found this website. But overall I agree with what he was saying.

Okay, what i enjoy everyday now: is to stay at home, play RPGs, and watch anime! (I know that im a nerd.) If only I can apply for RPG-beta tester. LOL! but den again, a lot of nerds love to do the same thing as me. haha. hmm. one fun job to think about. (I would change games to play if i dont like that simulation or that gameplay enough.)

my family's traditional (ps: previously, rarely eaten =.=) breakfast is: semi-cooked egg with bread, complementary with coffee ^.^ (Normally found in kopitiam breakfast menu, or yakkun *yums*)

Anyway, my highlight is not about de semi-cooked egg, is how to make a macdonalds' big breakfast egg. LOL~! well, i was making my egg just now, so apparently its not too semi-cooked yet. so i went to put it in de microwave oven and pure coincidentally, i have a nice macdonalds egg!

How to make a macdonalds' big breakfast egg:

Step 1: Boiled an egg for about 5 mins.

Step 2: Pour content of egg into a small soup bowl. (to make a round shape ^.^)

Step 3: Put the bowl inside a microwave oven and heat it for 30 secs.


AND voila! there you have it! LOL!!

Of cos, timing is all about trial and error. I make an estimation for the 5 mins on de 3/4 semi-cooked egg. it would looked watery and uncooked. =D


In addition to my semi cooked eggs, i made mocha this morning. ^^ Just to make a fulfilling breakfast~

i think i am a nerd.. =X

i suggest to all sales people that they should thoroughly understand their products before promoting to consumers.

i bought a dead sea facial wash from marina square (de shop that is in the alley near puma). Well anyway, de first saleswoman keep persuading me to buy bcos she insists that de product is good for my delicate skin. I keep telling her my only concern was about my sensitive skin. but she keep telling me that its dermatological tested, i was thinking, "so? every products have that dermatological-tested logo on."

Anyway, when i was leaving, she went to ask another saleswoman (apparently her superior) to solve my problem. That saleswoman was quite persuasive, except that she cant even pronounce de words on the products itself, thinking that she can skip over de word. keke. okay, she told de first salesgirl that i cannot use de product she just recommended but a milder facial wash. =.='' man was i lucky not to listen to de first one.

And again, she insists that its dermatological tested. I was like thinking, yes yes i know. i just want to know whats de diff btw this product and all de others that also ve de same claim. Finally, she related de products to my skin condition, eg. bodyshop natural minerals (alovera) vs this. okay so i told her i use bodyshop. and den she explain abit, cos she dont fully know de ingredients to de bodyshop products.

i finally bought de facial wash due to part of her persuasion, while thinking that its cheap and that its ingredients are natural minerals. one thing she keep insisting was de "bubbles" that is in other products, and demonstrated that their products doesnt ve de bubbles to block ur pores, or something lidat.

i should really try one, seeing that they dont ve facial sample. oh my god, if they recommended these products to other aunties, and if de other aunties dont understand what they want, they would kena "cheated". Maybe i was also being cheated, seeing how most saleswomen use de same tactic to get customers. =) (i didnt get a full set, cos i want a trial, so i only got de facial wash and a toner. but they should really provide samples to attract more customers if their products are really credible. if i were de sales manager..... LOL!)

i know my own personality. Sometimes i didnt say anything, i know that i dont want to defend myself or make any excuses. Yet i dont want to agree as well. So often i duno what to say.

i know you dont know that, thats why ure damn frustrated. That irritated feeling of urs just make me desperate. i dunno what to do.

Negative feelings again. =(

Support and mutual trust are really the key factors to a lasting relationship..

Right and wrong doesn't matter anymore..

='(

yet another day to "Unemployment". LOL~! How slack am i for these few months.

Well, anyway, hope i ve good news within this week.

Im not confident if im up to that job he described. Well, personally, i tot that vibrant designs are more suitable for me, den a professional / dull look. I know that cos i used to design some cute layouts for my attachment company and they actually told me its too kiddy! hello! ure attracting youngsters for goodness sake! =.=' in fact, i tot that some designs i did were pretty good. haha. Time for self satisfaction~ LOL!

Anyways, apart from designs, liaising with jap hosting companies (my eyes sparkled on de mention of that LOL..) and probably socialising are involved. which is why i feel that im not up for it. Socialising has nv been a part of my life anyway. but i did tell him that its alright, cos i wish to get some experiences like these. Now is a good time to get these experiences anyway. Or else i dunno when would be de next time. maybe i should take up design courses as a job enhancement.

hmm, well, im waiting for confirmation, or a 2nd interview. *cross fingers*

As a fresh graduate, i yearn nothing more than a job i like, despite its pay. Okay.. somehow im starting to know what i like. thats good, keep it up. i do believe ur goals and passions will come about in ur experiences. right now, i ve none. lol. oh other than my pride in completing my fyp lol.

see ya soon! *hint: my bday!*

http://talkback.stomp.com.sg/forums/showthread.php?t=106263&page=3

zzz.. who says sg women are lazy?

We are independent cos we cannot depend on sg guys to do things for us. When they "try" to do things for us, they would sometimes complain, like that forum above.

anyway, its pretty annoying if u do things out of courtesy and ppl dont even thank u. but then again, its out of courtesy rite? hmm, this kinda culture dont exist in sg, probably.

i am thinking, if girls try to wait for guys to pull out chairs or open doors for them, its probably bcos we wish for some gentlemanly actions in our society. *Or maybe some chairs and doors are just too heavy for a delicate lady alone, im not kidding. Even men thinks so sometimes.*

If there are very few of these actions around, women yearn more of them. Sg guys really dont take initiatives, do they? haha. and of cos, i chide ladies who doesnt thank the gentlemen for doing any courtesy actions.

Its contradicting in our society for ppl dont adopt a courtesy culture. Something to ponder about. And sometimes u wonder why u press lifts for ppl, giving up seats, opening doors wider for ppl behind me, and not rushing up the bus *a sign of kiasu-ness* when most ppl dont even appreciate.While in my case, most ppl do thank me for it, and im glad. =)

there are many different kinds of people in de world. if ever u are bullied / backstabbed, just tell yourselves that u ve met people whose thinking and actions are way too different from yours.

But it doesn't meant that you should compromise to their thinking, it just meant different priorities in life.

Well, alot of us do not come to an agreement with that thinking, so we complain / despise / disagree, a lot.

If only our culture morph into de same thinking, there would be less prejudice and despise which would then lead to bad conflicts.

It doesnt nullify any bad emotions, but it just mean lesser ill intentions towards other people.

Despite de different races, nationalities and religions in our country, our bad emotions towards other groups of people doesnt present itself to the surface, but rather to our own people.

That is why our own "groups" of people begin to absorb some of these bad feelings and tend to increase ill feelings towards other "groups" of people too. That is what we called prejudism / discrimination.

It is not wrong. Different ways of thinking and behaviours just cross paths. Sometimes it happens within a family, an organisation and of course, a country.

What is bad is that it doesn't stop. People dont just stop their own way of priorities and try to accept / accustom / adapt to others' methods of life.

You dont have to persuade others to understand your way of thinking, but they need to know that is what you stand by to. If you try to force it into other people whose priorities are extremely different from urs, den our basic instinct tells us that its dogmatism.  

Cognitive dissonance is an uncomfortable feeling caused by holding two contradictory ideas simultaneously. The theory of cognitive dissonance proposes that people have a motivational drive to reduce dissonance by changing their attitudes, beliefs, and behaviors, or by justifying or rationalizing them.[2] It is one of the most influential and extensively studied theories in social psychology.

Dissonance occurs when a person perceives a logical inconsistency in their beliefs, when one idea implies the opposite of another. The dissonance might be experienced as guilt, anger, frustration, or even embarrassment. (Adapted from Wikipedia)

Pardon me for my philosophy. =p

picnic outing success! I couldnt believe that the weather was bright and sunny despite the weather forecast prediction that it would rain yday! haha..

though i couldnt provide something more fun to play with to de girls.. hee.. sorry jo and kw..

well, all in all, i hope everyone had fun!

next outing: fishing and camping at ecp! lol!

keke.. dear dear went to be a "brother" for his brother on his wedding day. Well i didnt go to de bride's hse of cos. so i waited them to come back at dear's place.


dear was so shuai in his 1st owned suit! i was actually stunned! haha.. anyway, watched the tea ceremony and den have lunch in the function room before going up to rest.

left for de hotel at 3pm. de 4 "brothers" drive us to zhenqing hse to get his blazer first before we headed down to four seasons. haha i makeup and got dress into my evening dress at their hotel room.

went down for de solemnization ceremony before i helped out at de reception table. dinner was fun watching de games played by justin and leeyan. =D *which gives me some ideas lol.*



went back to dear place after de dinner cos it was too late to go home. i hoped dear had fun being de "brother" for his brother. actually dear as justin's real brother should really kena tekan more. haha. yes yes apart from de solo action on those tasteless dark chocolates. well anyway, i could see justin smiling from ear to ear on his big day. =)

people who likes japan products should visit the following page:

http://japanbag.com.sg/

products are authentic.. well, thats what the website says.. and i ve brought a burberry sling bag on their website.. and well, its slightly cheaper!

good luck on ur spoil of war! ^.^