i fear that i will not be strong enough.. whenever it happens, i feel that im not determined enough.. if ppl were to treat me better, i will feel abit guilty cos i would not treat them the same way.. and when i got a better treatment from them, i think that person is nice in spite whatever other says.. and then i would feel good abt that person.. is that y i fall for guys easily? cos they treat me better? i noe i like my ex alot bcos he treated me good.. but i noe for my current bf, we got mutual attraction.. but what im afraid is, im not determined enough.. but i will.. as long im at home, theres no way i could be in contact with other guys.. bcos we r abit distant now, as in physically, im abit worried.. i hope he can understand how i feel.. thats y i ve been getting so moody, or rather asking for more, when it comes to weekends.. i dun want us to distant away from each other.. although im still very in love with him.. well, i guess im at the lowest point of my wave now.. as the book says, "women are like waves.." their moods come in different wavelength.. when they crash, they will come back up again.. but it depends on how long.. n i fear that my wave will be at its low peak for quite a long time.. unless something good and promising happen.. everyday, when i go to sch, i will be like "oh great, how comes the feeling again.." to suppress it is okay.. but i will be in sch for 3 yrs leh.. bcos i nv part with my ex for so long b4(i see him everyday in sch).. im not used to it.. and now im everyday seeing guys frens in sch, without my bf.. so its abit hard.. if he's by my side i would not be worried.. y r u always not there when i need u the most? i feel so strangled by my own feelings.. going to choke to death anytime.. i cant tell, i cant tell, else he'll think i'll not wait n leave him.. i promise i wont and would nv.. frens, i need u to speak to me.. come on.. i need to open up.. or i'll die sooner or later..

m i speaking in broken english? lol.. my english been getting from bad to worse.. i feel so outcast when im in sch.. cos ppl r all speaking english and im not comfortable in that language.. except for writing it.. but then again, my writings been becoming bad.. haiz.. somehow, sch life also pose another problem for me.. not that exams is around the corner la.. but its just that i haven had enough time to study what has been taught.. i feel that i should stay in sch more, and yet i dun want to.. well, u guys should refer to my prob on the above para.. cant study at home.. no space, got bed, got tv shows.. oh, maybe i should go to the library in je.. slack there.. no need stay in sch somemore.. kw, we should try to go je lib and study ok?? pls..