i received an email from UOL about my incomplete result. and they say i pass it. woohoo!

so i can proceed to year 2 now.

its an admin error. but nvm about that now. the most impt thing is i pass! haha.



anyway, i am so hard on myself lately.

everything seems to go wrong. and i just feel as depressed as ever.

something is forever wrong with me. i cant seem to make the right decision and do the right thing. the naive, immature, kid brain just dont know what to do at times.



bad. the email that betty send me really had me thinking alot. more than i did ever, probably.

"We need to talk." simple as it is. i couldnt bring myself to do it. the same scene would just repeat itself.

aRh, aH.



life is hard.

just nevermind already.

do what u want. i dont want to care.

i dont give a hoot about someone who sees me as only an option in their life.

And only themselves in their lives.

My wanna-be contribution is just air.

resume studying today.

POA class - no one i know.

OTIA class - in different class from my friends.

IS class - at least with a poly friend.

Sometimes retaking modules just sux.

u noe that modules pretty well and the first few lessons are just boring. LOL.


and worst of all, theres no more refreshments. damn SIM.

Choices. esp when its hard to make.

I got a shock when i saw my result. Not that failing matters. i can always retake next yr and pass.

Its the incomplete result that infuriates me.

I really didnt know what to do.


if i retake that module, i have to do my 3 yrs course all over again but with lesser modules since i passed few of my other modules.

i contemplate changing to a complete different course in a different school. Den again theres nth i wanna take.

i forced myself to consider early childhood, psychology, translation and languages, cos those are kinda fun. my mum objects to their future career outlook.

i talked to a few others, and they confused my little mind. lol

So i decided to drop this IS and management course and to look for a job.

Then again, i thot to myself, what if inspiration nv come to me in that bounded office? Den my youth would be wasted without a degree. I will be 26 without a degree. i would totally hate myself for making the wrong decision.

OR

i could be 26 with a stupid IS degree. and den any kind of work wouldnt matter anymore cos i got my bachelor.

Well, Singapore is really a small place for anyone of us to try to further any kind of unique careers. I looked through sg private uni, they all dont provide asian studies (with specific country) or philosophy. Just when i thot i could take these courses, i realised those courses are not provided in Singapore uni. =.= Even if i do study them, i cant further my career with this kind of certs in singapore. although they would look REALLY cool.



I just talk to a classmate, whos from the same poly and course as i was, only diff year. The reason that we take these IS and mgmt in SIM is the same. IT is not a bad way to go. plus it doesnt ve too much programming like poly courses does. and they ve mgmt courses. only that she came alittle late to the sch, who could be my senior. oh, technically speaking, she is now, given my status. =.=

so now i reconsider dropping my bloody course. age 26-27 with a degree, and find a common job.

What luck, since im born in singapore. What other choices do i ve? i ve no interest in anything, so i can only temporarily go with this flow.


business, admin, banking, accounts, they are so so officey. and dull. and R&R. u go to work, u do ur job, u wait for clock to strike to go home. The next day starts again. Unless the work that u do does not bore u. its the life, not ur age that counts rite? in sg, its ur age that counts. why are u still as old, but without any money???!! u should be working out there man~~! what if u cant pay ur bills? and what! u dont ve any insurances, or cpf or bank investments?!! Old life should sucks bad. Ur childs educations should too.

In the end, its the living standards that counts.



i cant do the other above courses that i mentioned. So i plan to stick with this course.

Sui yuan ba. Ren ming le. Since i cannot do anything at all. literally.

new drama to download..

the new lu ding ji (2008) downloading at 1MB/s!

slurps*

woohoo! avril's best damn tour!!

Yday my family n i went to imm to eat ichiban to celebrate my bday. again. LOL.

anw, went to look at the dining table that we ordered. actually its the same as my aunt's so nothing special.

gw shopped in giant while my parents and i went to look at dining table.

we met to take a cab to kallang indoor stadium.


it wasnt that much ppl yet cos we were 20 mins early.

the souvenirs were so ex that we couldnt buy any =.=


seriously im so going to buy a camera next time. its like being disabled of my beautiful experiences! LOL. taiwan, concerts, bdays, gatherings, whatever.

somehow, im glad i didnt ve a camera with me. if i did ve, i wouldnt enjoy myself so much. cos u would keep taking pics and videos that u'd forgot to enjoy the concert.











anw, though t'was short, but her singing is superb! The crowd was so responsive so much that its impossible not to sing and wave like mad! LOL.

Called for cab and took the comfort taxi home.

heavy mood lifting this time. but after that, its just back to the same moodiness.

sometimes life is so repetitive, we hate it.

whats with the future, when its unknown and u have absolutely no goals, thats the tiring procedure of life.

im trying to find my goals. i scanned through every possibilities that goes thru my head. i still dont know what to do.

my future is not bleak. i just currently dont know what to do now.



If life is only about working for the sake of earning money, wheres the fun?

pls dont telll me fun is during weekends.
okay fine, u r waiting for the fun to come while u slog the whole weekdays away.



my mums actually suggesting me to study HR. the short-term kind.

Well i know what shes thinking. she just wants me to get a stable job that earns enough money. and since my IT isnt that good, shes suggesting HR.

haha. straight away, at least i know thats not what i want.

i just tell her to give me time to sort things out and think it over.



while im thinking, i am also hoping to do some reflections.



things aside, yday was an enjoyable day. thankss for what they called 'celebration'. LOL.

it did lift abit of my mood.
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P.S: i noe i blog this kinda entry before. im spewing everything out again.

yea i need something to cheer me up.

feeling damn damn damn down.

im downloading ranma 1/2 full 7 seasons. and its making my internet lag/down.

sian.

i love ranma!! LOL!

okay. thats it.

every year its the same..

*hope i will change*

i seriously feel like giving up.

why is it that however hardworking i am, or think how smart i am, i always turn out to be the otherwise?

maybe im not as hardworking afterall, and im just a stupid kid.

i dont even think about my future. Whatever come, comes.

i dont even know what i want to do.

Even if i got this degree den what? i cant possibly stay in the IT career, cos its not me at all.



not thinking about anything anymore.

choices in life is hard and uncertain.