Sometimes i dont wish to post on this blog 'cos i don't know who might be reading it.

Anyways, whatever. =)

Work is as per normal. Need to start remembering how the system works. =(


Actually i kinda have nothing to post today. Just feel like typing that's all. It's true that i convey myself better in words, cos i don't know how to express myself verbally. It's no wonder that friends don't know how to talk to me. haha. I don't blame them. But if i were to turn my words verbally, I would come out with alot of stuffs that you would also probably find boring. Lectures of life, opinions on people, complaints. I don't know, maybe i am just scared to talk. 'cos i have little knowledge, so i rather spew nonsense all the time and have people laughing at me or with me. haha. Oh yea, and another thing is cos, my words don't have any credit in them. It's like people often thinking i'm joking?? i don't know.

I have not find any ultimate life goals yet. I just know that i need a higher salary, that's all. =) Is that a goal? haha. I need to save money, to buy my own house. Well, probably loan it first from my parents. I'm sure they will support me financially. But.. nevermind. Anyways, that's my goal from now. =) Glad I have something to think about for the future. I don't mind living in a cosy house where i can limit my housekeeping chores, haha, i'm a lazy person ya know.

Think sexy. =P haha. I don't know why my own house makes me feel sexy. I start to think what kind of cloth makes me feel sexy. hmm. Lace? Silk? I guess it's silk. Smooth and silky. I need to redo my own closet, buy more silky clothes, that fits my body. =)) I can decorate my room with lace though. I know of this push cart in imm that sells alot of decoration in lace. haha. Was planning to ask my mum to buy, but they always walk past it and walk straight in to giant. =.='

I want my own dresser table! Yes i know you thought i have one. Please, if you look closely, that's supposed to be a computer table! And my mirror is paste on my wardrobe, if you girls notice when you come my house. Well, i did it myself though, aesthetic looking i thought.

Anyways, that's not the point. The whole point is, i want my room to be a lady's room! =.=' Yea maybe some decorations might help. haha. I have already 2 puzzles frame - one pooh and one anime one. Still i am proud of these two. haha. Might want to make more puzzles! (and with nowhere to hang.) Need to start clearing things that i don't want to make more space. Best furniture i thought is the most useful around my room. My sofa!! haha. 'cos i always dump my bags and clothes on it. (And make a pile lol!)

Progress, progress. Hopefully, they help in building my life. Baby steps at a time. =)

Love,
JaN

(p.s: i kinda wanna sign off every after post. haha.)

Trying to build self confidence. And building / improving on a new me. I do not have the courage to try new stuffs in the past, and have no wish to do them 'cos im always in my comfort zone.

Now i know i have to try to move out of my comfort zone, which I have no idea what comes first. All because of finding the inner sanctum of myself, to find the new and sexy me. I love myself and i am going to amplify that notion. The books that I bought are going to help me (or so i think). I hope that's not being selfish by loving myself first. haha.

I always wonder, how to love others when I cannot even love myself first? I need to take this mojo makeover before i learn how to love other people. In my 26 years of life, I have never really know this, but i am starting to learn now. Although I might still be me, I probably will feel differently after i grasp this knowledge of learning to love myself more.


Step 1: I finally find the courage to visit the doctor and physical therapy. (For me this is a huge step to mold myself.)

Step 2: I need to learn how to love and treasure myself more.

Step 3: Finding my own goal and purpose in life. Let me start climbing the career ladder. =)

Step 4: The rest can come later.


Well, i do hope that i have support from friends and family though. As i work through all this, I will need some moral support. =) 'Cos it's tough to make this journey all by myself. (Although I'm pretty sure i still can do it.)

I wonder if finding love trigger a big motivation of these? Everyone wants to be loved. =)) I'm sure I have my answer by now. Yes, it is. Whether it's finding love of myself or by others. I still want to be loved.


Okay, back to the process of building a new me..

My life is just so... so... hahaha~!

anyways, been spending alot on clothes. =.=
Just went kinokuniya on last sat to buy myself 5 books lol. Did nothing but shopping this few weekends haha. Until i ran out of things to buy.

Hmm. Was hanging out at jp on sat also. Went into sasa to try out on tons of perfume before deciding which one to get. Not getting yet cos am planning to ask my dad to get from dfs when he come back from china next week. haha.

Finally gotten a hair dryer, though its not the one that i was planning to get. Nevertheless, got a 'salon' kinda hair dryer.

I broke my fav blusher ='( It was my mum's but i like it cos i like the brush and the glitter color. Meanwhile im just lazy to powder myself before going work. No one's looking anyways. haha.


Things are not looking up. ='(