im so bumped today... dunno whether it's the sickness that make me moody or the relationship im holding onto.. i luv him, i noe he luv me... but our personalities just doesnt match.. now then i realised i haven done much for him.. n i would want to... consider how long and attached these has been... but my head always clouded me in some way... i will try to be more caring, i do... well... now everything seems to be about me now... im the utimate uncaring person one could ever find on earth... y do i even ve a relationship in the first place? or rather y me? im asking the existence of myself... wat do i do for this world? i noe nth... nth abt a living n treacherous life of a normal human being... n now i am... wondering about happily or maybe sadly in my own world... i dun really care wat's going on ard me... who and who is doing wat... y do i care? but now i noe i must try... or else my existence proves nth... i seriously is naive... absolute idiot in the world who doesnt noe wat the hell she's doing... dunno a single thing abt emotions, moods, things revolving ard me, even a little common sense doesnt exist in my tiny little head... im a sad sad loser... i dun really get motivated to do something... cos im just lazy... n to think i go n read that book n nv finish... it's "Emotional guide" to guide urself to think better... and doesnt prove effective for me... cos i dun understand the meaning and i dunno how to apply wat's there... do u think im a sadist? yes i think u do... i talk nonsense every here n then... doesnt noe how to communicate effectively and properly... omg... hit me... HIT me... n tell me how to me a better man... i really dun take the hard way... for if u just scream into my head... i'll just go "oh, wat the heck" u r just screaming... but if u were to talk to me seriously, i would rather consider those that say... i can joke ard yea... but take me seriously, i would really try... god... i was wondering when i really do a thing that i wanted to do? who m i kidding? me? serious? no... it's not a joke... i want to revamp myself... n i noe it's a hard thing for me to do... u see, even i think i m lazy... that's y i need dozen of helps.. to help me open my eyes and see the world that im supposed to be looking out for... i wanted for help for a long time... but did i ever try by myself? no... how to even try when i dunno a single thing? or m i just kidding again? i dun even noe myself... who's to judge me? i'll just go... u dun even noe me... how could u say that? but mostly, if i really reflect on myself... it's mostly my fault u noe... who ask me not to learn things ? who ask me not to read and study? i admit wrong, but really do i wholeheartedly admit it? no... i dun even noe if im right or wrong? who's to differ? human makes mistakes n the slightest mistakes that we dun even noe we make them n nv realise it... not even noe whether it's right or wrong... it's based on principles and ethics... come to think of it... do i ve principles? i dun stick to one... so i guess no... im so bumped rite now... i just keep on typing without knowing what im saying... i just want to say everything out... i keep everything to myself that i wanna burst... but when i say things out.. do ppl ever listen? would u want to hear a girl crying for help? crying as in really crying? i nv been helpless in all my life... well, not all, just one quarter... arhh... i want to say everything... everything!!! i know it's already quite full of rubbish and nonsensical things but still i want to type! i want to say how wrong i ve been in the life im living... i want to do something but lazy to do... i need help but no one can help me... wat shall i do?!! i want to scream... i cried and it's no use... i only noe how to cry and cry... wat's really the point? no one is able to see the sadness there... no one is able understand what im going thru... tell me if im wrong... everyone's been there, arent u guys? sometimes u think u r a loser... n u dunno wat to do... n ppl r just there blaming u for stuffs u did wrong.. n still u dunno how to amend it? gosh.. this is so frustrating... im a sad sad naive naive, tell-me-to-go-to-hell girl.. i cannot change to another person... i just couldnt... but i couldnt go with that attitude anyway, i could get kick out of whoever im with.... im going to die... i totally m so busted... HELP HELP!!! who can HELP me!!!