now i know the real reason..

sigh...

self-help article:
http://ezinearticles.com/?How-to-Express-Yourself-to-Others&id=695513

HTC 8S is out in singtel!! Yes!!

Maybe getting it next week. Cool, i get to try windows 8 phone! lol..



Just an update.

• Hair - Cut to shoulder-length, kev says neater and i find it less hassle to maintain. 
• Job - Changed to NEC and been working as a tester. So far, been trying to maintain this job until 1-year contract ends. 3 months and counting...
• Entertainment - been having fun at weddings and games organised with kev and frens. Thanks alot ppl! Upcoming bbq sessions as well!

Been playing AniPang as well! Its a korean version of Bejeweled... Got addicted to it recently, haha!

Anyway, thats all for now. 

Hope to blog soon! =D

Things are moving fast nowadays. People getting married, having kids, stable jobs..

I have not changed. Started NEC job not too long ago. But because of it, my perceptions of things changed a little. Still, personality-wise, i'm the same as ever.

I have only one goal. And only Kevin and me can achieve it. But I don't really know how he thinks. =(


My BA is drilling things that I don't want to hear in my head. I'm starting to think about a lot of things. But it still doesn't change me for who i am. She keeps asking, "When you want to change??" I got pissed and in my head, "Why should I? I like being me." I don't even know if right now, i'm being right in thinking this way. Or Should I changed? I am not pro-active. I am lay-backed. So how? I can't even understand the way I walked. If I could I would. Somehow I lack a lot of common sense knowledge. I'm often ridiculed at as an excuse. But it's true! Simple things like, thinking alternate ways of doing things.. oh i know already. I'm too straight and lazy. Not flexible at all. Kevin always scold me of not thinking. If I over think, they would say why such simple things, you make it so complicated? I don't understand myself sometimes. No, in fact, all the times.

I have no understanding of myself. I expect people to know me, but they don't. I expect them to know me and explain to me who I am so that I can changed because I thought they would observe me. Guess I'm too selfish.

Then again, when people tell me to be my age, i'm thinking "Am I not? What do I have to do to be my age? Not being flippant? Think of others before thinking about myself? Or taking care of myself before thinking about others? " See? Life has no one straight things for me to do. I have totally no understanding of this.

I need people to tell me what to do. I do not analyse, and know what to do next. Sometimes I just follow what other people do. It's basic instinct. It does not mean I know what to do, if the same situation arises next time. I follow instructions. I am a follower. Because being a thinker is just too troublesome. Oh, so this is  who I am. I see. But people hate me for who I am. Sometimes I wondered why they bother to be with me if they dislike me. "This pampered child...." Man.. What is so wrong with being a follower who doesn't think? Enlighten me.

Yawnzz

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im starting to want to go diaso now.. haha.

been spending the first 2 weeks of my lunch since starting this job at vivo / harbourfront. And den shopping after lunch LOL!!

anyways, i  kinda like this job. Maybe cos what im doing now is probably more suited for me. May not want to change to programmer roles at all. haha.. been seeing the programmers' stressing at my work place. Even though BAs and testers also OT much, but i don't think we are as stressed out as the programmers do. (thinning hair, falling sick, etc etc..)

Got a chance to go down to my client's for UAT today. Kinda fun. haha. Wish my BA dont have to leave my modules soon, and leave me to survive on my own. I might die..! But come to think of it, its kinda exciting. Not that the job is. As in I will be responsible for the modules soon, and I think although it will probably get tougher, but I will like it.

I just hope that I can perform with the same tenacity that my BA does, cos i am not confident that i can take over her job of those modules! Its only been 2 week, for god's sake, and im supposed to learn as much as i can from her. =.=''

Gotta sleep soon, see ya people!

true.. i hate ppl making promises and not fulfilling it.

In fact, i think most women dislike it, not only me.

Its the timing and effort put.


Sigh.

how cool would that be if your phone is able to do everything, including payment and keys... i think iphone 5 is going to leap one giant step towards an all-in-one generation.

If its really going to be "clear" looking, i think i might buy it. =DD I'm getting revolutionized. Haha.

Night ppl. =))

Cyberbully is bad. Basically bullying is bad.

They say "bu zhi ze wu zui" (Ignorance shall be pardoned), but sometimes people deliberately harass others for the tiny comments they make.

My ex-colleague is getting married, so she post on her facebook her happiness. Instead of congratulating her on fb, 2 of my ex-colleagues trolled her. "You must be so happy." "Cannot sleep rite." etc. etc. Luckily, she is so kind as to "fu yan" entertain them. I got so annoyed by them 'cos they are known for their sharp tongues in office. Can't you just congratulate her, aunties? Must you be so sarcastic? *angry*

Maybe 'cos of her kind heart, she is often bully in office.

Sometimes, when they make this kind of remarks, I just smile or laugh. I am actually smirking at them. They just confirmed that they are who I thought them to be. Seriously, sometimes I actually make a smirk sound. I don't know whether they heard not, but true enough, this kind of sound is offensive. Haha, even I think so too.

"Thanks man, you just make my day."

Bullying is unwanted. Why would people do that? To your family or friends? To your colleagues whom you work with all the time? To your clients whom you need their businesses with? I don't get it, really I don't. Why are people so defensive? Sometimes when it's obvious they are just making an effort to start a small conversation, just don't start "trolling" people. Appreciate that they are trying to talk to you. Else you are just being plain mean.

Running Man and Shinhwa Broadcast make my day! I hope they continue broadcasting.

Congratulate to HaHa for the wedding news! Read More...

Congratulate to the wedding couples! Long live the couples!

What to believe, what not to believe.

Sometimes, facts gotten from the media might not not be what they seems after all. They may be altered by the media. So it is hard to trust the facts presented by them.

I wonder where they get all these facts from? Are they gathered by the whole world's survey / consensus or just a country's population survey? Then some facts may only applied to that groups.

UFO, BigFoot, Lochness Monster.. Who are to say they are true or not true? Images or videos may be edited. You may never know.

In any case, I only hope that UFOs are true, 'cos they would only prove that life outside Earth is still possible. And with an advance technology as well!! Maybe their intelligence is like 100 times of ours! If another universe has a planet like earth, how do we move there? How do we get resources from there? By the time they return, it would be like 20 years after we die or something. Speaking of that, I didn't know Neil Armstrong was still alive until recent news about his death! I thought he was not around anymore. Guess I thought I am super young. >.<''

Man, now i feel like writing a book or something. Just don't want to find office jobs anymore. Is that how entertainment jobs come about?

Aiyo.. I need a hp mobile charger. or else im gonna badger by my mum for my flat battery and not answering her phone call.

On de other hand, can i have some "zi you" not?

I cannot imagine myself getting mugged by ppl, not in a situation when i can be so helpless that my mum would faint after hearing the news. Sure, they always say "zi pa wan yi". My mum is just being over paranoid by herself. I am not worried abt myself. I'm more worried abt her. I am more scared that she is angry by herself just because my hp battery is flat. =.=

That's what happen when you put your children as your priority. You will always perceive us as children, never growing up, and needs taking care of. I don't know how a parent feel, but it sure put pressured on me. Anywhere i go, she worry. Worry if i will fall down, worry if i will get nabbed, worry if i will get raped, or whatever la.

Then she always say, "Aiya i don't want to care le la. You all grow up liao, want to do whatever you wish liao." Tsk, Mothers.

Please let go of me, Ma. You are watching after me too tightly. In the end, the one suffering is you. We always tell her that, but she never listen.

I do not get mugged in broad daylight/night bright light. From the train station to our flat is not one street of dark alley. Even if i come home late, I will take the stairs instead of the lift.

I do not fall that easily now. Even if i do, you must trust that i pull myself up, even if i do sprain my ankle. I did go to the doctor myself once after a minor sprain (Usually its severe. I broke it so many times I think its not working well now), right? I will try to look more before I leap.

Please do not expect me to come home straight after work at 8 pm, because ppl do OT. Just leave food in a bowl, and i promise to wash up after eating.

I will continue to buy food for myself, even if it kills me to go opposite. (I didn't today cos I was being lazy again)

And I will charge my hp battery if it gets low, okay?

Aiyo, I'm so gonna put these down in words and show it to her, just to reassure her and to motivate myself. Sometimes its hard and painful to be a weak and dumb daughter.

Men's concept vs Women's concept

Hmm.. wad should I do today..

So much things to do.. so hurried to get all done in little time possible..

Slacking....

Yday was the first concert that I had bought myself a Standing Pen ticket at Shinhwa concert.

I am not a hardcore fan of Shinhwa, but since no one goes with me, I had to get a standing pen ticket where my colleague had bought herself to.

Anyway, I knew I wouldn't see all of the six members clearly at where i was standing(being behind some tall ppl in front). But i was awed when I saw them in-person. Their first appearance, and im like "Omg, are they real? Wow, they are so pretty..." Hahaha...

I was stunned by the loud blaring music, the glaring lights and the screams of fans beside me (practically shouting into my eardrums =.=)

My apologies to Shinhwa hardcore fans out there:

I didnt know how to jump and sing along, b'cos firstly, i was squeezed like a sardine, 2ndly and sadly, i didnt know their previous songs that much.

Most of the time, I didnt understand what they were saying. But.. the concert ticket was worth it, bcos its the first concert at the standing pen and i got to see the idols close-up while enjoying the hard core fans' atmosphere (somehow like being one myself haha).

Seriously, most of the time i was thinking like "These 6 ppl must be so blessed now. So happy. " "Are they crying now?" "What were the rest of the members thinking?" "I would like to be one myself. To be in their shoes." "How did they fight stage-fright with dozens of eyes staring at you from below stage?" and just being awed, staring at them singing.

Secretly, I thought they must thinking why this girl is so wierd, "Standing there like a stone, amongst all these screaming." Well, I know im not directly visible, but i know im visible to a few members becos this taller fan in front was taking hye sung most of the time. And well, there's a gap. I feel like I had a small space around me. =.= Imagination much. HAHA!

Still stunned though.

Shinhwa!! They are back..!

I used to not know them during my secondary sch days. I just found these ppls to be familiar when they come out on variety shows.

Now im just loving them! haha.. nice songs and handsome, cool guys!! woo.. im so not my age.. haha..!

sometimes i feel apologetic towards kevin, being his gf.

When i see other gfs can be so independent, im like "sigh~"

sometimes I wish to be like them. i wish to go climb hills, trekking with my bf, play soccer, go paintball, basketball, running, and so much outdoor exercises with him.

Aye.. that sucks. I dont even know how to console myself. =(

The only thing probably that i can give him is spaces for himself.

I am testing out the keyboard on my samsung laptop. Not bad.. I like samsung keypad. They have the nice feel. just that this notebook dont equip with the additional keypad.

Oh by the way, my blog is dying cos i am not touching it for several months so now im updating now.

Im pretty much the same. Working at the same place. Hanging out with the same colleagues. And well not to mention, doing the same job.

That's precisely why i never do updates anymore. Bcos everything is the same.

Probably, when i change anything, i will update again soon. haha.

Cant even complain here. Dont know who might be viewing anyways. Internet is a dangerous place lately. Everything we write must be careful. Even though i am writing in my personal blog, unless you turn off your tracking by the public. Alot of ppl dont know about this function, so anything they post online will be tracked.

Personal blogs are supposed to be personal, and private. Sigh. Giving out your blog address is like inviting sarcasm into your life.

Its the same for fb and twitter. I simply dont do any unnecessary updates. Not even bothering taking any photos and posting online. Probably i will still do it for my trips la.

So frustrating that i cant post any complaints online. haha.

I think i'm useless.

I think no one ever needs my help. Bcos I will always end up 越帮越忙..

its not me being negative. sometimes its true. bcos when i do something, i always do them slowly, slower than the person who needs help. Thats why i always choose not to help, for being afraid to be labelled. Like i would always get shout by when i tried to help, probably i do it the wrong way, or not the way that person wanted.

Okay, i must admit its not always me, its the person being too 'kan chiong'. I probably help in the sense that they dont think its their way. And well, sometimes being too 'kan chiong' in helping, i flop in helping. Thats pretty much why. Haha.

I know why. Bcos im clumsy. zzz. Thats why.

And when others dont really think i can help when i try to, i feel pissed off. When i offer to help, i know i really can do it, in spite of my clumsiness. That's me.

Arh.. Better to type it out then saying. Ppl wont understand anyway. Why I do/dont things the ways i do/dont.

Yea im 26 and i haven gotten my kate spade wallet for my bday. haha. Its just a display wish.


Anyway, HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

Looking forward to this chinese new year, though i "fan tai shui".. =.=

Nonetheless, hoping for a better year. =)

Tata!!

Had ktv session with colleagues yday at liang court's party world.

Was having fun, although some disruption came in from time to time, it didnt affect me singing, just felt annoyed. Imagine just bringing your son to ktv with your colleagues, but its alright. He just sits there reading in a very very dim light. What is she thinking?

Cant really sing with a big group with more than 4 ppl. In the end, i didnt really get to sing all that i wanted to sing in 3 hours. Sigh.

Went home at 11.

occasionally i get a whiff of your smell.. and it reminds me of you. =)

online just to talk to you. =DD

The life cycle of a relationship

http://www.videojug.com/interview/the-life-cycle-of-a-relationship


I am in the commitment phase already, and i am glad. =)

I am jealous of ur frens...

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At my age I suppose to be having fun, but I'm too zai nu alrdy.. haha.. even my uncle says me.. -.-

But but but... butter factory lol.. if only I have a mini bar...=3

Nua..

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LOL!! this interview of Mayday on their latest 3D movie is funny...!



任贤齐和刘若英“带路”
　　新浪娱乐：听说任贤齐(小齐)和刘若英(奶茶)有出演这部影片，能不能介绍一下他们的角色？

　　阿信：任贤齐和刘若英义务帮我们跨刀，在电影演出非常重要的角色。其实我们希望留给大家更多想象和惊喜的空间，所以我们也不能跟大家讲小齐哥其实演的就是一个计程车司机。

　　冠佑：这不能讲。

　　阿信：那奶茶姐演的就是一个为情所困的一个女孩。

　　冠佑：这也千万不能说。

　　阿信：也是秘密。

　　石头：也不能说她就是坐在那辆计程车上面。

　　冠佑：这更不能说。

　　阿信：都不能讲，没有一个能讲的。

　　玛莎：所以也不能讲他们俩有发生一段故事。

　　冠佑：这是秘密，这不能说。

        阿信：电影的宣传就是这么神奇。因为是电影的新人，才发现这么多动人和引人入胜的东西统统不能讲。那我们今天就不讲太多。

　　玛莎：那他们两个人有因为这个电影传绯闻么？

　　阿信：要传，一定要传，但是小齐哥已经……

　　玛莎：结婚了。

       阿信：对。所以没办法传。所以就你负责和奶茶姐传绯闻。

　   玛莎：我有这个荣幸。

Haha!!!

Happy bday to me~ happy bday to me~ HAppy Bday to meee~~ happy bday to me....


My bday wishes is for my closed ones to find time to meet up to celebrate my bday!! =DD

Which is wad they are doing right now! yay!

Happy bday to me~...

yup im sinking..

i hate to give up, but im pessimistic..

I'm in a vortex of mixed feelings. I haven felt like this before. I'm so dead..
I boarded a pirate ship of no return. I would probably sink with it. =(

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I believe tat as long as u have someone in ur heart, he or she is not easily replaced by someone no matter how much interaction u make with them. It's someone who u think about when u wake up in de morning..=)

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Another morning of loving u..<3

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Adapted from facebook:

我喜歡你，那我可以憑一時的衝動為你做好多好多的事，不計較你是否喜歡我；

但我不敢愛你，因為如果愛你，我會期望你為我做同樣的事，時間久了我會不平衡。


我喜歡你，那我可以傻傻地喜歡著你；

但我不敢愛你，因為我認為愛，應該是相互的。


我喜歡你，那我可以一直很激情地瘋狂地；

但我不敢愛你，因為愛太理智，我總會在對比中迷失自己。


我喜歡你，那我可以默默地，偶爾跳出來嚇你一跳；

但我不敢愛你，因為愛太需要一直好好表現，永遠拴住你的心，我暫時還沒有那個自信。

Hai Ku Shi Lan 海枯石爛 - Olivia Ong


詞:施人誠/仔仔(Will Peng)
曲:仔仔(Will Peng)

這幾天你在那個城市天氣一定晴朗
因為你就是個太陽
有空想念我的話就上線來說晚安
讓夢裡星光燦爛

別再擔心我什麼了 別把我寵壞
只要你平安回來 就夠浪漫

這幾天沒有你在當然有些平淡孤單
但我感謝這孤單
讓我更加確定你是我缺少了那一半
完整我的那一半

不怕明天的世界 會變成怎麼樣
每天看見你笑臉 我就心安
不管外面的世界 想變成怎樣
我們還有我們的 小小天堂

我有你放在心上 生命就有了重量
風來也不會飄盪
一起看海枯石爛 一起等地老天荒
慢慢愛 不慌不忙

我有你守在身旁 眼睛就可以勇敢
看歲月怎麼漫長
就算真海枯石爛 就算已天老天荒
還相愛 就沒遺憾 不遺憾

不怕明天的世界 會變成怎麼樣
每天看見你笑臉 我就心安
不管外面的世界 想變成怎樣
我們還有我們的 小小天堂

Credit: Incomplete Melody
-------------------------------------------------------

I don't know if you still read my blog, but i just want to tell you that:


这一段日子里，谢谢你，以及对不起。我现在才解答心里一直在问的问题。谢谢你帮我找到答案。不管以后你会在那里，我都会祝福你的。

有句话说：解铃还须系铃人。

我现在真得明白这句话的含义。即使你不能原谅我，请你还是一定要过的幸福。我真心祝福你。

wah, friday movie is bad..

the show was bad. My colleague bought us each one largo combo, which popcorn i cannot even finish half. Honestly, when she asked me, i tot that 1 large combo was shared between the 3 of us. Alamak...

In the end, i couldnt eat anything else after that, well that combo was my dinner. While she and her fren ate ramen, i ate an egg.

Happily we went shopping, and went starbucks to get us each a cup of drink. I ordered green tea latte.

Soon we went home. I went to sleep, and by dawn, my stomach got quesy. I went to puke and i gotten diarrhoea. Nope, i didnt went to the doc. I was by that time, unable to walk and was sleeping the whole day.

This morning i feel alot better, but im still having diarrhoea and my stomach is still feeling pain.

Shucks man! Think i will go see a doc later if it doesnt get better.

stupid me.. =.=

my mum says my bro miss home already. haha! i was like, "so fast?! its been barely 1 month.."

Well, its still always nice to know that my bro miss home.

During the weeks before he left for India, he was always going out. He said its a farewell gathering. And den become sick because of staying out too late. =.= (still sick, dunno why, gosh, pls not bcos of any diseases caught there! den again de city he's staying at should be safe.)

cos i nv heard of him becoming bored before. LOL~~

And we miss him too. =)


My dad went to Qidong (China province) again one week Gw left for India. So now its just me and my mum. =.= Bcos she dislikes to peel fruits..... hahaa! we always rely on my dad for fruits after dinner. Well, he's coming back next week though. =D


For the both of them, just be safe.

i know i am always slow in everything. I never thought that this physical and mentally weakness could hinder me in my work. My boss now always scold me that im slow. I cant give any excuses, even though i told him before that i process things abit slowly.

I dont know, maybe i need to train my brain. Maybe i need to see a doc. Does it really affect my attitude and behaviour? ='(

My sup always tell me that my work is the slackest of all IT work. I dont see how to disagree with her. Maybe i haven got the brain for IT, after all. My negative thinking always fail to encourage myself.

I like to think that i am me, no matter how many weakness i have. I know that of cos i will hinder myself from doing alot of things, whether by chance or not. I haven gotten any passion or motivation since i wrote on my motivation post.



Each day when i wake up, when i think that i have to get to work in a long journey, i start to feel my body is dying each day. I feel mentally and physically stressed and drained everyday. I am not sure how long my body can take this. I wish the circle line could be completed as soon as possible.

Quoted from my friend's fb post:

"When a woman is silent, she may either be thinking, tired of waiting, falling apart, crying inside, or all of the above."

我肯定是哪里少了根筋… 实在是像白痴… 自己怎么死都不知道… zzz....

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='( fb is a bad media..

Hmmm... just finish watching a 44 episodes historical Chinese drama again.. keep watching drama without doing any other things..... no wonder ppl find me boring... -.-

Some motivation pls? I lazy to move.. haha..

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怕不怕被拒绝
怕不怕被省略
你怕不怕被沦落在宿命中妥协
当真爱宣告从缺
骄傲的玫瑰正一片一片枯萎
尽管你抱歉忏悔
真心一旦坠跌就不能飞

别指望我谅解
别指望我体会
爱不是点头就能挽回
快乐或悲伤没什么分别
心碎到终点会迎刃而解

别指望我谅解
别指望我体会
爱不是注定要填你的缺
太多的是非来不及杜绝
更不想依恋这残缺的美
残缺的迂回


its like this song is sung to me.. ='(

if a person can make even an adult pour frustrated tears, I wonder wad kind of a person he is to have de capabilities to do that..

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2 years later, my brother will have a successful career, a life he wanted and would carry on this life in a direction, while i am a fickle-minded girl who doesn't know wad she wants. I cannot see my future and 2 years later, i will be the same person as i am now, not sure where my direction is.

Who am i? What do i want? Who do i want to be?

So many questions that i asked myself since i was in poly. And for so many years, i never bother returning the answers to my own questions. That was b'cos i had a straight line while i was in school, not bothering about the future at all. Now that school lives are over, i begin to worry. What am i good for? Am i good in anything at all?

One of my colleagues says that i am a fickle-minded person in a humorous conversation, which i took her words seriously only now.

Hai.. sorry no conclusion.. just alot on my mind. Hmm..

Janice called Anita the online Psychic to know her future

Anita said:

''Janice dear, go back to the part where you said 'no way' and change it to 'yes way' as now your future will change for the better. More opportunities will come your way, you just have to recognize the chances you get offered and not say 'I can't' or 'I don't know how'.''
_____________________________________________________________________
Hmm.. interesting prediction..

i am so tired that i dont want to do anything. Im even using the keyboard on my lap haha.

Just want to zzz..

Weekends are here to stay again, =D

Aiya, normally when i read down syndrome (I'm not having this disease but similar) symptoms, i wonder if i'm really a retard, only mildly. To be honest, I have difficulty expressing my emotions and hence, communicate my thoughts to ppl. I am easily short-term. Plenty to do with my common sense as well. Sometimes, i really wonder where the hell is my common sense? Well, that is one symptom of my condition. Of cos, the others are my physical conditions.

Probably I develop autism since childhood, which is why i am depressed all the time, and always having negative emotions.

Something is definitely wrong with me. Outsiders can't see it, they just think that I'm a wierd person. Not even my family members. They don't even bother to check up the disease that i have. zZzz.. And I can feel it. I can feel people's eyes. It is not paranoid la.. dui.. I have been dealing with this everyday since i was young okay! And i try to be normal in every way. But of cos i know it's not enough. It's really hard.

It's like having a down syndrome, at least ppl knows that you are born this way bcos it's visible unless it's mild.

Yea I'm also having mild symptoms also, which is why i am seen as a 'fit' person. In fact, i am not. There's a lot of things i cannot do. i am not pampered! i just cannot do some basic tasks! Would ppl pls understand?! It's not like an overnight thing where i can improved my symptoms and be a normal girl once and for all! ='((( I desire to be a lovely girl.

i think i need social counselling. =.='' I am glad this blog is a place for me to shout.

*breathe in, breathe out*

omg..! This morning, i kena chi-tofu by an uncle! He must deliberate one leh.. not once but 3 times!! Don't put your bag down on the floor if the train is darn packed! And den when you want to move and thus picking up your bag, you "accidentally" butt another person!! zzZzz... This uncle, "accidentally" butt me 2 times on the last pick up of his bag! =.=''''''''''' This must be the joy of that uncle, who goes to work everyday happily butting into women.. sai!

Pls, normally I blame the women who dresses skinky. Like a HR executive I know, claims that a man on the bus keep trying to fall onto her when the bus stops! Yea, thats only 'cos you wear like, nothing!! Sorry for the complains, but yea i don't like her.

And well, ppl, you know how i dress up for work. Always pants. haha! I'm the least attractive working girl i know. LOL! Refer to my last post if you want to know why.

___________________________________________________________________

Good and nice ppl don't know how to say "no". And that's when they are bullied often also, and doing work for ppl they aren't supposed to. That is really really selfish of the person who bully you. What? Like you are the most busiest person in the world and no one else is?!

Yea, i am talking about myself. Not saying that i am good and nice, but i just don't like to argue much. Nvm, so long that job relates to mine.

Sigh~

I don't know how to change the current me, to protect myself. And not to be guillable. I like being a simple me. Which is why i don't like the high society. Which is somewhere beyond me.


Like I'm looking a patch of greener and peaceful grassland again.


Doesn't de words sound and feel beautiful? haha..

i know why i blog nearly everyday. Cos i just like to type something.. and I am bored!

10 Signs It's Time To Quit Your Job

i score 6/10. That is how bad that i want to quit my job. Really feel stressed out everyday, never feel excited to go to work. Which is why i aim to find a job which i'm really passionate about! That step and i complete half my life goal. The only thing is my unknown passion. haha.

I don't really need the money now, cos my parents are still working. So probably i could go for it while I'm still young. I was thinking hard yday about what would make me happy. I thought about volunteering at old folks home, again. Some times thinking about volunteering makes me feel like a hypocrite. Me? A probably most naive and selfish and helpless girl in the entire universe who wants to do volunteer? yea right, ha-ha.

That's the 'devil' me clouding my mind. The 'angel' me says yup! Although I'm helpless, i want to be near those who needs me and feels happy to see me everyday! The most peaceful job on earth, is to be away from the high working societies that sees challenges and profits everyday.

And i hate IT. It sucks to tell people that a girl like me is doing programming, and that to wear nice clothes to your office everyday is like overdoing it. No one sees you, you are stuck at the back-end! (Well, that AND everyone in my office is just damn casual) Yup, I'm the bitch that complains now. Yay for me.

And the irritating part is, i still got work to do. As in the office. Sucks big time. Suck thumb man. and hope to finish these work as soon as possible b4 tendering. Woah, don't think me as bad leh. I am still 'abit' responsible for my job 'kay?!

Back to that lifestyle again. =.=''

http://sg.finance.yahoo.com/news/10-Signs-Its-Time-To-Quit-usnews-122274365.html?x=0

i really think i do not belong in this working world. why else would i feel terribly perturbed every day?

Last Thurs, my colleagues and i went for the movie, Battle at LA, at cineleisure after work. Nice movie, was deeply moved by the story, so that goes to show how good it is. haha. It's not just the plot, its the acting.

Some times when i see a war movie, i wonder about the bonds between the soldiers. I know we, ladies, are never able to feel this kinda bond. One can only wonder. Of cos, the men / soldiers do know it! I mean, this bond is strange, it is more than a friend-to-friend love, cos a normal good friend wouldn't just risk his life for another friend! These soldiers have been through thick-and-thin together, so i wouldn't belittle their bonds for each other. And this bond is more than a BFF relationship. That's why it's baffling. =))

Anyways, it was a good show and we parted our ways after the movie.

____________________________________________________________________

Sat finally came, and it was fun at MBS!

Yday, we had buffet teabreak at the sands skypark after check-in, den went to get lion king tickets / explore /shop for bath salt, haha!

After bathing, my mum, bro and i went to the theatre at 8pm. The musical / stage performance was great! Still tempting to watch the lion king movie haha. I believe most of you knows the story of lion king, so if you do know, its a great and touching movie. I was so moved by the performance that i nearly cry. (Thankfully it didnt roll down my eyes.)

I clapped so hard after the whole performance ended that my hands hurt. =D Normally I enjoy a great concert / performance and I know it, cos at the end, I would clap thousands times harder than when i did during the show. =)

Anyways, we went to eat supper and by the time we reached our room it was alrdy 12 plus.


Woke up at 8am in the morning. Went to watch my mum and bro dip into the pool (dip only hor, not swim). I didnt went in cos the length of the pool and the crowd defeats my purpose of being there to swim. =( If you don't know what i mean, see the pic that i posted in fb.

Okay, went to eat breakfast after that and den went back to the room. Honestly, if it wasn't for the lounge access, the benefits of the Club room, and the lion king, we would have nothing to do in MBS. haha! The night before, my mum and bro went to have evening mini buffet before the lion king musical, while i bathed, and had free flows of champagne~!

Checked-out at 12 and cabbed home. =)

need to start reading the books that i bought. bought another 2 books while in HMV cos they were selling 2 books for 20 bucks.. One is Sherlock Holmes, the complete novel and stories and the other book is an interesting book about small rules for little problems that we have in our daily lives.

didnt really read my books every weekends. I was planning to read them on weekends but den i would always go out. haha. or probably watch my drama and anime. So in the end, i read a small part of each of my books. haha. Yup, all with bookmarks indicating the pages i read until. It is so unlike me. 'Cos i'm someone who will finish one book before starting another. Luckily i finish "He's not that into you" quite fast and yea i finished watching the movie also. LOL~

Anws, gonna plan for upcoming gatherings. See you girls soon! =DD

Btw, i learned to fly kite today! =) so happy~! haha.. It's a big achievement to see the kite flying high in the sky after i struggle to keep it flying (of cos with the help of Jiejin). =DD

I think i should learn new stuff every time i have got the opportunity to do so. Probably should change my mindset of "I can't do it one" to "I can do it!". Well, the spur of wanting to try kite-flying taught me so. =)

I wonder if i resign now, what kind of job should i look for next? what other opportunities and challenges await me?

Time to make decisions again. It's a chore, but every time i want to make a decision regarding my life, i feel motivating.

Some time in the past, i learned not to regret on the decisions I've make. Even if it's probably wrong. Move on with the decisions you make. But make sure you are sure of the road in front of you. 'Cos you control your own life. =)

Brought another pair of shoes yday while shopping at vivo.

Found another brand that i like! Its naturalizer! Comfortable and suitable for my feet. Although the new pair seems as high as the one i got in tokyo. I love that tokyo pair, but bcos i wash it, de leather loosen and i cant wear it anymore. =((

Anyways, i ve a pair of Hush puppies (in shoe closet), 2 pairs of Scholls, 1 pair of Sketcher, and a new pair of Naturalizer! I'm getting used to abit of heights cos i always like a good pair of shoes with heights. Mind you, they are not heels (i cant wear heels and stilettos.) And well, i start to learn to walk properly anyway since my physio, so hopefully its not a problem. =)) Besides, I realizes i starting to dislike flat shoes which really hurt my feet after i stand / walk for a tad too long. My good pair of Sketcher, with a big of height and comfortable, is really lasting for shopping haha. (Yes, I have flat foot. Maybe that's why flat shoes is bad for me. Although probably they are more stable for me.)

Oh and i have gotten a gym ball for my physio as well. I used it once when I was in TTSH and i found it quite useful. I haven wash it and use it yet. Starting to use next week. Hopefully it helps to strengthen my hips and balancing.

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Wish i have a passion about something. That i will do something that i will not regret doing. And doing them enthusiastically. This way I will know that i live for something.

Hm, something i like and i dreamt about. I dreamed about being a professional / good swimmer (not limited by any boundaries), but i don't wanna earn money by being a swimmer. Just something that i want to show others that I'm good at and proud of.

I used to think about being in a volunteering organisation. Those for helping others and stuffs like that. Not to say that I'm a Saint la, but it feels good to help. =) Thinking of joining SOS as a volunteer now. I don't know why. I know I would lend my ear to anyone in distress if it will make them feel better. =) Though it's a tiring work.

"...as a way of helping others and contributing to the society. And I thought that it is never too early or late to start volunteering. " -- quoted from a female volunteer in SOS

"Figuratively, “Good Samaritans” are persons who go out of their way to perform acts of kindness to others, especially strangers." -- abstracted taken from Answers.com


Sometimes I wonder the interesting facts and knowledge being a psychologist, yet of cos im not qualify to be one. My bro always tell me that I'm not suitable to be one. Maybe, but I'm always intrigued by the human's emotions and behaviors. Even when I walk on the streets, I will sometimes differ why some strangers behave in the way they do. Haha, really intriguing.

I would try to understand why some colleagues say the things they say. It could be totally hurting, but i wonder why? Is it because of something / emotions / people that triggers these? Okay, sometimes i really think why they are so judgmental as in they think so badly of another person(s). Can't they put themselves in other people's shoes? But of cos, I would never get involved in all of these politics. That's why i preferred to work somewhere with a bit of "人情味". Work is never understanding, but people can be.


Questions of the mind. Again.

have you donate?

http://redcross.org.sg/Donation-Channels-Japan-Tsunami-Earthquake.phtml

leave me alone. it's hard as it is already.

Thoughts of a spur moment:

Sometimes i wonder what economic crisis or other smaller issues gonna matter anymore, when bigger problems like the earth itself is toppling upside down?

So i wonder why we still trying to work hard, without seeing the bigger picture of the world problem? What will happen 20-50 years later? Will de world finally die? Whats our united solution / combat against the end of the world?

While watching the discovery channel of the search in the universe a few month ago, i wonder about how huge our universe is, and yet people worry about what kind of leisure lives they should be living in? My question is, is money, now, that important? Or is survival more important? or money = survival in your life? It makes me want to cry. Is that a passion about protecting the earth?

starting to watch drama again, despite fatigue from work haha! Anws, been watching 犀利人妻。

de main actress is like me like that, who wants nothing but a loving family. But den something changes her to be a modern woman, someone who not only loves others, but loves herself too. I realised that by trying to build and show confidence, one must also feel pretty, other than displaying your beauty(i dont mean slim and pretty here, just a confident you!), to feel confident.

the main character in the show is my idol now. The actress playing her is also my idol. I dont know how she do it, but she is able to play from a role of a naive housewife who live only for others, to a role of a confident working woman. I mean, think about it~! how did she manage to act this well? Such a drastic change for a housewife who has never know anything about the outside world, other than her cosy home.

I learn something from that drama.

Looking at her is like looking at myself. I know i need this kinda change. But i have no support. All i can do is to believe in myself. And probably read self-enhancement books. xD


Smiling everyday should be my motto from now on. =D When you smile, you think positive. And when you think positive, you feel happy. That makes you smile more.

That's what i did today after work. I realised I need to smile more. So i try. And yes, i feel a whole lot happier. =) (Okay i didnt smile widely so that people wouldn't start to think that i'm crazy!)

Quote of the day: "You are what you think."

- abstracted from Mind Power, by James Borg.

Yea, Mind Power is another self-help book i bought.

All i wanted to do on that day was to buy myself lots of books to read. But den i came across these interesting book that i spend the "entire" day standing there and reading another book. I didnt buy that book cos its damn ex!! 40 bucks! might as well just stand there and read. haha.


I was trying to share this thought that i had when i was in train back to home today. But den i forgot wad it was. Was definitely interesting, haha.

Oh i remember, when i look into the mirror. Random comment: A good mascara and a good lip balm is all i need. =) (Apply a thin layer of foundation and you're good to go.)

It's like a good pair of shoes brings you to wherever you wanna go. It's true, my current good pair of shoes can make me walk longer without fatigue. haha. My last mascara fail me after a few hours of applying. This current one last de whole day. =) That why i love it! haha.


Love and Signed, =P
JaN

i wish i could be typing all my feelings here. =(

Sometimes i dont wish to post on this blog 'cos i don't know who might be reading it.

Anyways, whatever. =)

Work is as per normal. Need to start remembering how the system works. =(


Actually i kinda have nothing to post today. Just feel like typing that's all. It's true that i convey myself better in words, cos i don't know how to express myself verbally. It's no wonder that friends don't know how to talk to me. haha. I don't blame them. But if i were to turn my words verbally, I would come out with alot of stuffs that you would also probably find boring. Lectures of life, opinions on people, complaints. I don't know, maybe i am just scared to talk. 'cos i have little knowledge, so i rather spew nonsense all the time and have people laughing at me or with me. haha. Oh yea, and another thing is cos, my words don't have any credit in them. It's like people often thinking i'm joking?? i don't know.

I have not find any ultimate life goals yet. I just know that i need a higher salary, that's all. =) Is that a goal? haha. I need to save money, to buy my own house. Well, probably loan it first from my parents. I'm sure they will support me financially. But.. nevermind. Anyways, that's my goal from now. =) Glad I have something to think about for the future. I don't mind living in a cosy house where i can limit my housekeeping chores, haha, i'm a lazy person ya know.

Think sexy. =P haha. I don't know why my own house makes me feel sexy. I start to think what kind of cloth makes me feel sexy. hmm. Lace? Silk? I guess it's silk. Smooth and silky. I need to redo my own closet, buy more silky clothes, that fits my body. =)) I can decorate my room with lace though. I know of this push cart in imm that sells alot of decoration in lace. haha. Was planning to ask my mum to buy, but they always walk past it and walk straight in to giant. =.='

I want my own dresser table! Yes i know you thought i have one. Please, if you look closely, that's supposed to be a computer table! And my mirror is paste on my wardrobe, if you girls notice when you come my house. Well, i did it myself though, aesthetic looking i thought.

Anyways, that's not the point. The whole point is, i want my room to be a lady's room! =.=' Yea maybe some decorations might help. haha. I have already 2 puzzles frame - one pooh and one anime one. Still i am proud of these two. haha. Might want to make more puzzles! (and with nowhere to hang.) Need to start clearing things that i don't want to make more space. Best furniture i thought is the most useful around my room. My sofa!! haha. 'cos i always dump my bags and clothes on it. (And make a pile lol!)

Progress, progress. Hopefully, they help in building my life. Baby steps at a time. =)

Love,
JaN

(p.s: i kinda wanna sign off every after post. haha.)

Trying to build self confidence. And building / improving on a new me. I do not have the courage to try new stuffs in the past, and have no wish to do them 'cos im always in my comfort zone.

Now i know i have to try to move out of my comfort zone, which I have no idea what comes first. All because of finding the inner sanctum of myself, to find the new and sexy me. I love myself and i am going to amplify that notion. The books that I bought are going to help me (or so i think). I hope that's not being selfish by loving myself first. haha.

I always wonder, how to love others when I cannot even love myself first? I need to take this mojo makeover before i learn how to love other people. In my 26 years of life, I have never really know this, but i am starting to learn now. Although I might still be me, I probably will feel differently after i grasp this knowledge of learning to love myself more.


Step 1: I finally find the courage to visit the doctor and physical therapy. (For me this is a huge step to mold myself.)

Step 2: I need to learn how to love and treasure myself more.

Step 3: Finding my own goal and purpose in life. Let me start climbing the career ladder. =)

Step 4: The rest can come later.


Well, i do hope that i have support from friends and family though. As i work through all this, I will need some moral support. =) 'Cos it's tough to make this journey all by myself. (Although I'm pretty sure i still can do it.)

I wonder if finding love trigger a big motivation of these? Everyone wants to be loved. =)) I'm sure I have my answer by now. Yes, it is. Whether it's finding love of myself or by others. I still want to be loved.


Okay, back to the process of building a new me..

My life is just so... so... hahaha~!

anyways, been spending alot on clothes. =.=
Just went kinokuniya on last sat to buy myself 5 books lol. Did nothing but shopping this few weekends haha. Until i ran out of things to buy.

Hmm. Was hanging out at jp on sat also. Went into sasa to try out on tons of perfume before deciding which one to get. Not getting yet cos am planning to ask my dad to get from dfs when he come back from china next week. haha.

Finally gotten a hair dryer, though its not the one that i was planning to get. Nevertheless, got a 'salon' kinda hair dryer.

I broke my fav blusher ='( It was my mum's but i like it cos i like the brush and the glitter color. Meanwhile im just lazy to powder myself before going work. No one's looking anyways. haha.


Things are not looking up. ='(

been doing my physio exercises diligently, almost every night.. =x

anyway, hope it pays off. probably its in my brain, but i think its working. haha..

actually physio therapy is good for ppl who has weak muscles, and people who dunno how to exercise the correct way. its not only for ppl who has these muscles / joints problem but also for normal ppl who dont exercise regularly bcos of their stressful lifestyle. These bit of exercises can also help. =))


seriously, one of my dream is to wear high heels and/or walk confidently, and de ability to do different kinds of exercises, like hiking or running. if really, this works, i am not far from my dream. =DDD i even wouldnt mind jogging everyday, if i am able to jog without tripping haha.

Funny how ppl need to grow to make them stronger. I know i need to. =)

My decision is made.. i made my points.

Life is all about decisions. Plenty of stuffs go thru my mind lately. Interesting things that i wouldn't think before. Maybe cos im too simple? haha..

Is it so hard to measure a person's feelings? Y can 2 couples stand each others despite one has no feeling for de other no matter wad? Is it cos de one who doesn't feel need not put much or no effort required of? Because I don't care so I don't put effort?

Wad is my goal or priority in life? Sigh...

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yday went for my 2nd physio with my family. den had brunch(nasi lemak/ayam penyet) near my bro's school(adam's food centre) and went shopping in OG(de one opp simlim) with my parents.

we den got tired of walking around with nothing to buy, and left to drive to bukit timah, while waiting to pick my bro up for dinner. my mum saw this orange farm, where they sell all the mandarin/lime plants, drive in and there they bought one pot of medium-sized mandarin-orange/lime plant.

fetched my bro from sch and drove down to kallang long beach king to eat dinner. was quite early when we reach there so was quite comfortable eating. too bad de crab werent as big as de one we had in east coast main branch. =( but well, the price worth it.



hmmm, den is just pms pms pms. sucks.

y is it so hard??

i want wad i want and desire... =((

i was searching for 'One Piece Wanted' puzzle for a long time cos comic connection dont have them anymore. =(

But finally, i found it at the Nex's comic connection! haha.. now left for de frame, before i can start working on de puzzle..

If my hobby can turn into this, i might hang alot of frames on my wall. lol.

nothing much going on. i dont feel like going out after work. just wanna go home and rest. i need to sleep early, same as ever hah.

i read some news that facing a screen for more than 2 hours a day can cause heart disease. okay, how not to face a screen when im a programmer?! plus, almost everybody needs to work with a pc wad... okay, how abt all doctors limit us to work for every 2 hours, u need a 15 mins break. thats will be so cool.. haha. fine, i need to face away every 2 hours den. need to set alarm to remind myself.....


arr need to go bath and sleep now. i can feel my body sleepingggg... night..

Happy new year everyone!

New year resolution for me is just to do my physio therapy everyday. Probably think before speaking. n be nicer to my bf. Lol! Do things myself without relying on ppl. put cellulite cream everyday =D

Hmmm.. that's all I can think of... haha... shall post again if I think of something..

Shall upload hk photos later. lol.. cos haven really had time to upload my dad's, plus my brother just got back wit my camera yday.

See ya!

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Sucks.. am sick now..

but at least better than last week. i hope tmr will be better.


gotta go rest now.. cya..

haha.. joke of the day: benson want to go hk to buy prawns back to sg. so wei wei says, what if the prawns cannot take the pressure when they are on the plane? den they become longxia?!! LOL!!!! *when u go up to a higher atmosphere, ur ear will get hard of hearing*

anw, gonna take a company trip to hk this month with my parents for 3 days. too bad dear got his last paper on the first day im going. =(( my bros going hk this sat with my relatives.

going to meet up with carmen, and probably de rest of my hk frens if they are free. =D She and jeremy gonna discuss where to bring me and my parents. hehe. too bad jeremy's going mainland china with his parents, so he cant come meet us, and i noe hes been dying to. (cos ive been saying im gonna go hk one day ever since they came sg lol) haha! next time ba jeremy! we sure got plenty of chances to meet!

My mum got me these jackets from Msia's uniqlo and disel lately when she and my dad went for a wedding dinner in KL. so happy.. cos i love the jackets!! hahaha~!

although its only 3 days but i believe i will enjoy my full 3days in HK! =D shall rmb to bring my camera~! hehe.. haven been so happy since my last overseas trip lol. maybe cos its with frens and colleagues! ^^ 2 more weeks! keke.. den come back and celebrate xmas!

until den! tata!

我觉得很空虚吗？有话也不想说。别的情侣是天天想着对方， 想天天谈天说地。即使两人是隔得遥远， 也是互相惦记着。为什么我们是多末得靠近皮此，却是不想着对方，想要见到对方？为什么我是不敢和他说出心里的话？我讨厌这心中的疑问.谁可以解我心里的疑惑和纳闷?

for i=0 to i<5; i++{
lblActivity.text= "wake up, go work, come home, watch drama, sleep";
i=i+1;
}

LOL~! A full weekday re occurrence. Weekend is another thing. But time pasts really fast on weekends. tsk tsk...

feel like napping now. but i'll be wasting my time away sleeping. i should be watching more dramas instead. HAHA~!

luckily weekdays lunch has always been fun and laughter with colleagues. though i still hate de long walks in de morning to the office and back to de train station at night. My condition can not really take such toll. Really wish that someone would drive me to work every morning and back home at night. My joints start to ache. I dunno if its my condition that causes this, or bcos i lack exercise. Then again, i used to walk such long walks and not ve any pains while walking. damn legs. seriously, this condition starting to ve an adverse effect in my life. Im starting to worry about my future. Maybe physio will help. Lets hope so.

Can i truly find someone who really appreciates who i am and accept me, and vice versa?

*yawnz*

starting to ve acne now.. zzz.. need to ve proper sleep.. haiz..

my colleagues say all de males in our company are all gentlemen. I agree.

i like john. i think hes more gentle than albert or koh haha. =p

Anws, wei wei, joseph and ben brought me to china square to eat prawn noodles. Nice! And the streets hawker along boon tat street also 'mo-tat-teng' ar.

Work's been alright. Been going home later everyday but still at least that means i ve unfinished jobs to do everyday. =x

Did try to bring my office laptop home de first week. Cant take it cos its too heavy =.= plus i dont want to do any more work when i get home. Just wanna watch my drama. ^.^

Tmr is public holiday! yay! haha. i haven had my full sleep for a long time. lol. Not even weekends. Just dunno why. Auto wake up when i ve enough 7-8 hours of sleep. zzz. FYI, full sleep is 9-10 hrs.

Oh yea, hwee ching got me my Naraya bag and pouch from bkk. Thanks girl!! Happy =DDD

Alright gotta go watch show now haha. Ciau!

Sigh.. Everytime it happens when im having PMS. Just so very moody. And worst. Just hope my symptom can be something else. But moodiness probably is de best symptoms any female could ve. haha.

i notice that some other females might ve gastric pain or headache, or lose weight when they are experiencing PMS. soo i dont think i wish for that symptoms. heh.

Some things he said worsen my mood. I seriously tried to listen. But my hormones just wouldn't listen. Just keep crying and crying, that's all. I wonder if we can control our PM symptoms?

Feeling so stressed that i'm having pimples at my forehead. Maybe its the hormones. I dont know. Maybe they add up together.

M period comes, and of cos my moodiness should fade gradually. Yday was probably de worst i ever had. Men just cannot understand women. Sigh.

The FB app i took..

101 Romantic Things To Do With Your Lover

• Sing to each other. (Not really to each other. Mostly i sing and he happens to be there. LOL~)
  
• Go to the park. (yes)
• Apologize for previous fight and have a romantic dinner together. (hmm.. nope)
• Put love notes in his/her pockets when he/she isn't looking. (i used to..)
• Go to the beach and see the sunrise. (once? with frens too..)
• Learn from each other and don't make the same mistake twice. (hmm.. nope)
• Party with his/her friends. (yup)
  
• Go for a long walk down the beach at midnight. (during chalet...)

Only a few cos i just play this app. haha.

My point of view

Every time i go to my window to close it, I wonder about jumping off / death. Would I be better off dead, or if the world is better off without me?

Then I rethink my sudden thought today. I write down quickly to remind myself and for those who find death comforting.

My answer would be, No, it wouldn't. Sure, it would put me out of misery. Sure, my family and friends would be devastated. But it wouldn't change anything. My life wouldn't be better. Their lives would not be better or for worse. It will not affect strangers who doesn't know you, or people who doesn't bother / care. It would probably change ur family or ur close friends, but not much. Life has to go on.

Why not stay alive, and continue to change ur lifestyle if u find it so demeaning? THAT will definitely make ur life better, or probably make people around you better. =) Make a wise choice, after all, we hold our own lives.

Anyway, i thought of this when i finally go for a checkup at polyclinic. I am anxious to solve my own physical problem. I don't want help or pity anymore. I wish to do something about myself. This visit to TTSH is impt to me. Countdown period. 1 month and 1 day. Sigh.

Right now, i can do nothing but go on about everyday life. Probably dwelling isn't my concern now. I have an option, that is to go to the hospital. Must have a positive mind. Even after going to TTSH and doc says there is nothing they can do about it, I must be positive.

This is also something I thought of when i finally thought of finding a job. Someday I have to work to support myself, if not for my family. So stop avoiding work / life and start doing something. Even if it means failure and learn. Learn and get over your failures.

I realise anything that i procrastinate / reluctant to do is mostly bcos of my illness. It seriously affect my way of life, probably my speech too. This is why i decide strongly to change it by visiting doctors and getting appointment at the neroscience dept. I am tired of telling my family and friends that I am born like that, without really knowing the answer myself. And finding excuses that I couldn't do anything about it. Well, that part is true now. So I am hoping that any kind of cure, if there is, would really change everything about me.

Just remember, your life is in your hand. =) Don't be distress. A life only approximately takes 80 years.

Part of my horoscope in relationship

i believe i ve quoted this before. But this is only for Kevin. LOL! for 4 years, he still didnt seem to know me well. =P

VIRGO WOMAN
"She only searches for true love, not just any love. Her love is an ideal one. She likes to think no one is neater and as effective as her, which can irritate you sometimes for there is no such thing. She likes sweet talk, but she can slip and say something unpredictable and unbearable to you too. When she stops getting mad, she will totally forget what she just said and be an angel again. If you have a date with her, you'd better be there on time.

Flowers and sweet word can calm her down. If you want to say sorry, make it brief and straight forward. Do not drag your apologetic words into a long making it up event, it could lead you to another world war. She likes her man to dress nice and clean. She is good in details especially with money. Do not make she thinks that she is a clown or funny. In the beginning of knowing her, please try not to glance at other pretty woman so much. Early period of dating her, try not to hold her so much in public, it would not be a proper thing to do. She loves books, stage play and music and likes to criticize about them too.

Criticism woman is her icon including big and small things in life starting from your hair, your dress , and the way you talk. If you are in love with her, be as almost perfect as your can."

Satisfying lunch n dinner today. Yummy.

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The Big Bang Theory - The 'soft kitty' song



Soft kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur.
Happy kitty, sleepy kitty,
Purr purr purr.

^.^

feeling damn tired..

afraid to sleep more.. fearing that i might wanna sleep even more. and den sleep de whole day away.

well den again, since i dont accomplish anything in a day, might as well sleep. haha.


sometimes i just hate to sleep, cos i dislike dreams. Sometimes they are so real that u will find urself disappointed when u wake up. Sometimes they are so scary u wake up in de middle of de night and soothe urself. Sometimes they gave u several discomfort dreams that u dont get when u wake up, so u wonder why u ve that dream.

Then again, i like anime. Cos normally I watch anime that are not real, that can be differentiate from reality. When i stop watching it, i come back to "my" world. Somehow i like what i can control, and dislike what i cant.

U only sleep when u need rest. I hope i can sleep without dreams. There is never once i ve dreamless night. Or probably i know that i ve a dream, but that i forgot what dream that was. Maybe i keep thinking before i turned in, so thats why i will not stop thinking even when im sleeping.

I used to want to find out what my dream meant. I heard that they mean different kind of perceptions or personalities in ur life. Now, i wave that thought away. Probably i noe that i will have a different kind of dream once i change my thinking towards life. I know that my whole life up till now, my dreams seem to be de same. Sounds like deja vu in dreams. That would only mean that i have the same thoughts in me since then.

Things that i can control and things that i cant. Frustrated..

my interest lifespan is short. i noe that myself, even though i have a few interests myself. For example, i can be interested in a book. but once i finished that book, i wouldnt read another one, unless de content fascinates me.

RPG and anime are ones that would sustain my interest for as long as possible. Kevin says that i watch anime longer than he plays his game in a day. haha. Or i can play RPG from morning to night. wahaha~ Nerd~!

Contrastingly, that time when i wanna learn jap, i didnt continue to stage 2. Nor took de JLPT exam. After all, its for an interest. I dont ve to ve de cert. My teacher was kinda disappointed haha. Not being to brag but cos i learned abit better than other students.

Anyway, that interest that sparked me in the beginning began to fade, and i regress to my fav and only games and anime lol.

Okay, kevin and i bought these few fact books from borders cos its interesting and of its knowledge. haha. and since it was going at 3 books for 2 books price, we bought 6. =D Those books are very, mind intriguing, mostly philosophy and logic books, which is why it can be hard to digest when u read it. Still its definitely fun for me to learn those "facts". =P Im still reading it. haha.

If i want to work, i definitely want to work in a place where it can hold my interests for long haha. How can u work as a philosopher? i cant write. hehe.

i'll stop here cos my thoughts run until here for now. haha. cya!

think.. think..! Think about my future..

Its so hard to find what i want to do in the future. I cant foresee myself doing anything. Adding on to my frustration is me without enough confidence to do anything.

My results are out, and accordingly enough to my expectations, its a 3rd class honor. What can i do with this cert~! Certainly there are people who has skills above me, that's what my interviewer told me. ='( (And of cos i realised that without him saying)

Its too late to wish I had thought about my future when i was schooling. Cos when ure in school, u would never bother with your own future. Nothing but continue to study and play.

Its me with my lack of confidence, again. Should I ever think about being an admin assistant or other lower-paying jobs again, my lack of confidence has reached its peak!

Speaking of that, I ve had alot of negative emotions lately. Its not bcos of PMS. Its just cos i know myself. Shoots.. what can i do?! what can i do?!

Please dont say stick to IT. Bcos even i know that's hard. I'm sure all my classmates or course mates know this. And it doesnt matter without any inspiration in me~! With only a tiny satisfaction if others can appreciate my work can bring me no further.

If things are so simple and dull, why do we live? Do we live for the purpose of living? Or do we have a goal that we must accomplish as we are living? Why are most people always eager to go home after work? Is it bcos their work has no meaning to their lives?

I read this abstract from a website, for this philosopher encourage ppl not to work. He encourages ppl to enjoy and live, and not working to work. But i dont agree with one statement: Make people hate you! (why would you want to make so many enemies with yourselves to make your life difficult? is it for challenge? sigh~) Anyway, I forgot where i found this website. But overall I agree with what he was saying.

Okay, what i enjoy everyday now: is to stay at home, play RPGs, and watch anime! (I know that im a nerd.) If only I can apply for RPG-beta tester. LOL! but den again, a lot of nerds love to do the same thing as me. haha. hmm. one fun job to think about. (I would change games to play if i dont like that simulation or that gameplay enough.)

my family's traditional (ps: previously, rarely eaten =.=) breakfast is: semi-cooked egg with bread, complementary with coffee ^.^ (Normally found in kopitiam breakfast menu, or yakkun *yums*)

Anyway, my highlight is not about de semi-cooked egg, is how to make a macdonalds' big breakfast egg. LOL~! well, i was making my egg just now, so apparently its not too semi-cooked yet. so i went to put it in de microwave oven and pure coincidentally, i have a nice macdonalds egg!

How to make a macdonalds' big breakfast egg:

Step 1: Boiled an egg for about 5 mins.

Step 2: Pour content of egg into a small soup bowl. (to make a round shape ^.^)

Step 3: Put the bowl inside a microwave oven and heat it for 30 secs.


AND voila! there you have it! LOL!!

Of cos, timing is all about trial and error. I make an estimation for the 5 mins on de 3/4 semi-cooked egg. it would looked watery and uncooked. =D


In addition to my semi cooked eggs, i made mocha this morning. ^^ Just to make a fulfilling breakfast~

i think i am a nerd.. =X

i suggest to all sales people that they should thoroughly understand their products before promoting to consumers.

i bought a dead sea facial wash from marina square (de shop that is in the alley near puma). Well anyway, de first saleswoman keep persuading me to buy bcos she insists that de product is good for my delicate skin. I keep telling her my only concern was about my sensitive skin. but she keep telling me that its dermatological tested, i was thinking, "so? every products have that dermatological-tested logo on."

Anyway, when i was leaving, she went to ask another saleswoman (apparently her superior) to solve my problem. That saleswoman was quite persuasive, except that she cant even pronounce de words on the products itself, thinking that she can skip over de word. keke. okay, she told de first salesgirl that i cannot use de product she just recommended but a milder facial wash. =.='' man was i lucky not to listen to de first one.

And again, she insists that its dermatological tested. I was like thinking, yes yes i know. i just want to know whats de diff btw this product and all de others that also ve de same claim. Finally, she related de products to my skin condition, eg. bodyshop natural minerals (alovera) vs this. okay so i told her i use bodyshop. and den she explain abit, cos she dont fully know de ingredients to de bodyshop products.

i finally bought de facial wash due to part of her persuasion, while thinking that its cheap and that its ingredients are natural minerals. one thing she keep insisting was de "bubbles" that is in other products, and demonstrated that their products doesnt ve de bubbles to block ur pores, or something lidat.

i should really try one, seeing that they dont ve facial sample. oh my god, if they recommended these products to other aunties, and if de other aunties dont understand what they want, they would kena "cheated". Maybe i was also being cheated, seeing how most saleswomen use de same tactic to get customers. =) (i didnt get a full set, cos i want a trial, so i only got de facial wash and a toner. but they should really provide samples to attract more customers if their products are really credible. if i were de sales manager..... LOL!)

i know my own personality. Sometimes i didnt say anything, i know that i dont want to defend myself or make any excuses. Yet i dont want to agree as well. So often i duno what to say.

i know you dont know that, thats why ure damn frustrated. That irritated feeling of urs just make me desperate. i dunno what to do.

Negative feelings again. =(

Support and mutual trust are really the key factors to a lasting relationship..

Right and wrong doesn't matter anymore..

='(

yet another day to "Unemployment". LOL~! How slack am i for these few months.

Well, anyway, hope i ve good news within this week.

Im not confident if im up to that job he described. Well, personally, i tot that vibrant designs are more suitable for me, den a professional / dull look. I know that cos i used to design some cute layouts for my attachment company and they actually told me its too kiddy! hello! ure attracting youngsters for goodness sake! =.=' in fact, i tot that some designs i did were pretty good. haha. Time for self satisfaction~ LOL!

Anyways, apart from designs, liaising with jap hosting companies (my eyes sparkled on de mention of that LOL..) and probably socialising are involved. which is why i feel that im not up for it. Socialising has nv been a part of my life anyway. but i did tell him that its alright, cos i wish to get some experiences like these. Now is a good time to get these experiences anyway. Or else i dunno when would be de next time. maybe i should take up design courses as a job enhancement.

hmm, well, im waiting for confirmation, or a 2nd interview. *cross fingers*

As a fresh graduate, i yearn nothing more than a job i like, despite its pay. Okay.. somehow im starting to know what i like. thats good, keep it up. i do believe ur goals and passions will come about in ur experiences. right now, i ve none. lol. oh other than my pride in completing my fyp lol.

see ya soon! *hint: my bday!*

http://talkback.stomp.com.sg/forums/showthread.php?t=106263&page=3

zzz.. who says sg women are lazy?

We are independent cos we cannot depend on sg guys to do things for us. When they "try" to do things for us, they would sometimes complain, like that forum above.

anyway, its pretty annoying if u do things out of courtesy and ppl dont even thank u. but then again, its out of courtesy rite? hmm, this kinda culture dont exist in sg, probably.

i am thinking, if girls try to wait for guys to pull out chairs or open doors for them, its probably bcos we wish for some gentlemanly actions in our society. *Or maybe some chairs and doors are just too heavy for a delicate lady alone, im not kidding. Even men thinks so sometimes.*

If there are very few of these actions around, women yearn more of them. Sg guys really dont take initiatives, do they? haha. and of cos, i chide ladies who doesnt thank the gentlemen for doing any courtesy actions.

Its contradicting in our society for ppl dont adopt a courtesy culture. Something to ponder about. And sometimes u wonder why u press lifts for ppl, giving up seats, opening doors wider for ppl behind me, and not rushing up the bus *a sign of kiasu-ness* when most ppl dont even appreciate.While in my case, most ppl do thank me for it, and im glad. =)

there are many different kinds of people in de world. if ever u are bullied / backstabbed, just tell yourselves that u ve met people whose thinking and actions are way too different from yours.

But it doesn't meant that you should compromise to their thinking, it just meant different priorities in life.

Well, alot of us do not come to an agreement with that thinking, so we complain / despise / disagree, a lot.

If only our culture morph into de same thinking, there would be less prejudice and despise which would then lead to bad conflicts.

It doesnt nullify any bad emotions, but it just mean lesser ill intentions towards other people.

Despite de different races, nationalities and religions in our country, our bad emotions towards other groups of people doesnt present itself to the surface, but rather to our own people.

That is why our own "groups" of people begin to absorb some of these bad feelings and tend to increase ill feelings towards other "groups" of people too. That is what we called prejudism / discrimination.

It is not wrong. Different ways of thinking and behaviours just cross paths. Sometimes it happens within a family, an organisation and of course, a country.

What is bad is that it doesn't stop. People dont just stop their own way of priorities and try to accept / accustom / adapt to others' methods of life.

You dont have to persuade others to understand your way of thinking, but they need to know that is what you stand by to. If you try to force it into other people whose priorities are extremely different from urs, den our basic instinct tells us that its dogmatism.  

Cognitive dissonance is an uncomfortable feeling caused by holding two contradictory ideas simultaneously. The theory of cognitive dissonance proposes that people have a motivational drive to reduce dissonance by changing their attitudes, beliefs, and behaviors, or by justifying or rationalizing them.[2] It is one of the most influential and extensively studied theories in social psychology.

Dissonance occurs when a person perceives a logical inconsistency in their beliefs, when one idea implies the opposite of another. The dissonance might be experienced as guilt, anger, frustration, or even embarrassment. (Adapted from Wikipedia)

Pardon me for my philosophy. =p

picnic outing success! I couldnt believe that the weather was bright and sunny despite the weather forecast prediction that it would rain yday! haha..

though i couldnt provide something more fun to play with to de girls.. hee.. sorry jo and kw..

well, all in all, i hope everyone had fun!

next outing: fishing and camping at ecp! lol!

keke.. dear dear went to be a "brother" for his brother on his wedding day. Well i didnt go to de bride's hse of cos. so i waited them to come back at dear's place.


dear was so shuai in his 1st owned suit! i was actually stunned! haha.. anyway, watched the tea ceremony and den have lunch in the function room before going up to rest.

left for de hotel at 3pm. de 4 "brothers" drive us to zhenqing hse to get his blazer first before we headed down to four seasons. haha i makeup and got dress into my evening dress at their hotel room.

went down for de solemnization ceremony before i helped out at de reception table. dinner was fun watching de games played by justin and leeyan. =D *which gives me some ideas lol.*



went back to dear place after de dinner cos it was too late to go home. i hoped dear had fun being de "brother" for his brother. actually dear as justin's real brother should really kena tekan more. haha. yes yes apart from de solo action on those tasteless dark chocolates. well anyway, i could see justin smiling from ear to ear on his big day. =)